First Round Mock Draft

Chapter 2 of Bachelor Pad

CHAPTER 2

Tonight’s lesson is an important one. The pad is important, but it is secondary to getting ready to go out. You can have the awesomest of awesome bachelor pads, but if you don’t present the proper image, you aren’t going to get any ladies home with you. You have to present an aura of confidence that will help make the ladies interested before you even speak a word to them.

The first step to this is to make sure you take a shower before you go out. I know this sounds elementary, but you would be surprised how many guys out there decide to risk going out without taking a shower first. For the record, taking a shower with body spray does not count and will only show what a fucking amateur you really are. Take the fifteen minutes that it will take to clean your ass, trust me it is worth it.

The next step is shaving. Some guys out there like to shave while they shower and if they can pull that off that’s great. I’m a little old-fashioned in that I like to do it using my bathroom sink with a real blade. Electric razors never get as close as the real blade and I love that using a real blade will actually help keep your face looking younger. I like to be able to see myself shaving, so I make sure that I don’t miss any little pieces of stubble. I know that I am not one of those guys that can pull of that 5 o’clock shadow stubble beard and I know that while a lot of women may find the look sexy, most don’t like to kiss a guy with that because it is very rough on the skin. Also, if you are stuck in the nineties and you are still sporting the old goatee, I would advise you to shave it. However, if you love your goatee as much as your favorite Pearl Jam CD, then take a few suggestions from me. First, don’t trim it to close. The closer the hair is to your skin the rougher it will feel. The second thing that you should do is when you take your shower wash your ‘tee with shampoo and conditioner. I know that this sounds way too metro for any guy still sporting the ‘tee, but it will make those dick hairs on your chin feel a lot softer and women like that. The beautiful ladies out there don’t want their lips and face to feel like it is being rubbed down with sandpaper.

 The second part of shaving is the thing that all of us guys dread, manscaping. I know it sucks and I hate it as well, but it has turned into a necessary evil. We expect the women we are with to be either cleanly shaved or nice and trimmed up when it comes to their pussy, so we should at least return the favor. Most women out there don’t really enjoy flossing with our dick hairs and if you want them to do that wonderful deed with their mouth you have to take the weed eater to your pubes. What you choose is a personal choice, but I choose to leave a trimmed landing strip over my cock. I am not totally a fan of the completely shaved look on myself or on the opposite sex for that matter. The completely shaved pubes gives me a creepy feel, almost like I’m a pedophile because of the drastic resemblance to a child who hasn’t hit puberty yet. Again, that is just my feeling and everyone has the right to do what they choose with their body. Also, make sure you take the trimmer to your balls and ass. Those hairs you want to get rid of, but for fuck’s sake do not use a blade. You do not want to cut your ball sack. Make sure when you trim your pubes that you dispose of them and don’t leave your pubes lying on the bathroom floor.

 Now it is time to get dressed. I’m not giving out any tips on your underwear that is a personal choice, but just make sure they aren’t skid marked and stained. I know we all like to have a sense of individuality when it comes to the way we dress, but that does not work in the club scene. You don’t want to wear something that is too flashy and outrageous, because that could make the females out there have the wrong impression of you, meaning that you are gay. Not saying that as a hateful thing, but if you are not gay, then don’t do anything that would make the women out there have a misconception of your sexuality. A woman looking to just have a meaningless fling isn’t looking to fall for your amazing personality or your edgy styling. Look at it as a casting call and she’s looking for someone to fill the role and you want to make sure you are the able to fill that role. I say go with the tried and true and wear either a polo or a full button down shirt that goes well with your jeans or khakis. Another thing, if you are going to wear a belt, then remember to have your shirt tucked in. You want to come across looking respectable and classy in your presentation of yourself. Seriously, it is not bullshit to say that in this game it is better to look good than to feel good.

 The next thing for all of you guys out there is cologne. If you are going to wear cologne, then make sure it is the good stuff. If the box has a guy with a cowboy hat on it and the actual hat is more expensive than the cologne, then it is shitty stuff and you shouldn’t be using it. Spend the few extra bucks and get a designer brand. It works and it will last longer because you don’t have to use a lot of it to get maximum impact. Just a quick spray on each side of the neck is all you need. She should only be able to smell it when she is close to you; she shouldn’t be able to smell you from across the bar. Also, for the love of God do not spray your package! If you do get lucky and get some action and she’s willing to make a southbound journey that ticket will get cancelled if she gets a mouthful of your cologne. It smells good, but it does not taste good. Do yourself a favor and don’t do something so stupid.

The last lesson for getting dressed is the socks and shoes. If you are wearing jeans, then you can either wear white socks with sneakers or shoes. If you are going to wear sneakers make sure they are clean, a scuff or two in the leather is unnoticeable, but do not expect to get any ass if you still last week’s mud still caked on your kicks. Girls look at shoes. They fucking love shoes! So, don’t be stupid and naïve to think that they aren’t noticing your shoes. The perfect time for her to be checking out your shoes is when you are too busy staring at her tits trying to think of something clever to say. Dirty shoes may put the idea in a woman’s head that you are lazy and she may equate that as being lazy in bed. That’s an automatic strike three and you are out no matter how clever you can be in conversation. Lastly, if you are going to wear khakis, then please wear either brown or black shoes and the same color socks to match the shoes.

Now, that I have finished getting ready it’s time to head over my boys’ place and get ready for a wild and crazy night.How do I know that it is going to be a wild and crazy night? It is always a wild and crazy night when I hang out with my boy Jeremy Nicks. When I first met Jeremy a few years ago, he was a complete and total amateur, but he entertained me. I met him through my friend from work, Chris Henderson. Jeremy and Chris are roommates and they could not be two more different people. Chris is very laid back and focused on his career right now, whereas Jeremy is a total wild man. Jeremy has the same goal as I do when we go out and after some subtle changes to his game he has become someone that will keep me on my toes as we both try to leave with the hottest woman. He used to just go out in t-shirts and ripped jeans and really didn’t have the ability to pick up women at the time. He would get a little too drunk and obnoxious and would eventually scare off the women, but he is absolutely fearless and that is why I knew I could work with him.

 Chris is just too shy when it comes to women and I don’t think he really believes in the whole idea of a one-night stand. That always strikes me as odd, because he is monster in the business of sales, he just can’t equate his skills at the office to the meat market. He’s sort of old-fashioned that way, but Jeremy and I bring him out in hopes that we can at least get him to talk to women, so he could at least get a date. He’s looking for that whole relationship thing and it makes sense for him as he is starting to move up in the office. His future plans would look better if he was married and it is probably something that I should consider especially after the conversation I had with my boss a few days ago.

My boss, Mr. Cooper, called me in because I had inquired about a potential opening as an assistant Vice President in the advertising department. It would be the logical step in the ladder as I would be groomed for holding the position of Vice President at a later time. The previous holder of that job had left the company to be with his sick wife who had developed cancer. I’m the guy with the most ad dollars brought into the company and I totally expected that this was a no-brainer that I would get the job, but life has a funny way of fucking with you when you start to expect things.

 I remember looking at old man Cooper, thinking to myself that I would only have to work under him for five years at the most, before he would leave or keel over from a heart attack. There might have been a time when Cooper was in good shape and he may have been popular with the ladies, but after his wife left him he fell apart and turned into a fat bastard. He sucks down heart medication like they were double quarter pound cheeseburgers and this was the perfect situation for me to step in and potentially become the youngest Vice President in the company’s history. Cooper had different plans for me. I sat there and listened to him give me every reason why I should have the job and then he finally hit me with the hammer. “Shawn, the reason that we are not going to promote you has nothing to do with your job performance. The company is afraid that because you are still a single man with a reputation for burning the midnight oil that you are a high risk at the executive level. I’ll shoot straight with you. The fact that you have no ties worries the company that you could just up and leave and potentially take a lot of clients with you.”

“Sir, while I respect your honesty, I can’t help but strongly disagree with the thought process of the company. I’m not going anywhere. I’m in the greatest city in the world for what I do and I’d like to think that I am the best in the company. I am disappointed, but at least tell me that there is a chance for this at another time,” I say to Cooper.

 “Shawn, get married and get a house out on the Island that will show the guys on top that they will have the security in moving you up the ladder and that you wouldn’t be such a risk to the company.”

“If that’s what it takes, then that’s something that I can do,” I say as I get up and shake Cooper’s hand before I leave his office.

This is such bullshit I remember thinking and I shook my head to Chris giving him the non-verbal cue that I didn’t get the job. I begrudgingly understand their point of view, but I never really gave me too much thought to how my personal life could affect my professional life, but I should’ve known better, because image is everything.

The business world feels more secure in promoting people who are married as it gives the perception of stability. If you are married and have a family, then they feel that you have to come to work to provide for the family and that makes the doors to promotion open up. Someone who is single can be looked at as a person who could pack-up and leave in a heartbeat. I know Chris wants that lifestyle, but he has to overcome his shyness. I want the life that playing by the rules can give me, but I don’t know if I want the whole baggage of a marriage.

I have never even tried the concept of a relationship in my life so how do I put myself in the position to where I could actually get married to someone. I’ve seen all of my friends in life get involved with people and I’ve seen them hurt a lot of the time and it just seemed like the odds are against having a successful monogamous relationship with someone. I do have friends who have played into the married game, but they always seem stressed out and lost a big chunk of the person they were before the marriage. It is amazing how much shit we are forced to do to get ahead in the world, but I don’t want to be stuck in the same spot for my entire career. I like being an ad man for SportsWorld Magazine, especially with the new advancements in technology allowing us to enter the digital world with more gusto, but I would like to become an executive and I am not sure if my current lifestyle is what the company has in mind. However, this is not a choice that I have to make and I want to have fun with my boys and see what the night has in store for me.

 Jeremy and Chris live together which is not the ideal situation for having a bachelor pad, but they make it work mainly because Chris doesn’t practice the lifestyle. It would be pretty badass on their part if they both hooked up with some women and they both brought them back to their place. A lot of women aren’t comfortable with the idea of doing the one-night deed knowing that there is another woman in the same place doing the same thing. College was a different story. Everyone knew who was fucking who in the group and it was looked at as being young and getting the crazy shit out, because the future was on the horizon. I just kept living the lifestyle, because it made sense to me.

Anyway, here I am at Jeremy and Chris’s old school cobblestone apartment house. There are multiple apartments inside the house and the only way to get in without a key to the building is signaling them using the old intercom system. I let them know I am here and they can unlock the front door from their apartment. I imagine it is time to push the button so we can get the festivities underway. There is an annoying sound as the intercom is activated.

“Who is it?” Jeremy’s voice comes through the speaker.

“It’s the number one pimpdaddy. Let me the fuck in!” I yell back into the speaker box.

“Oh shit, it’s party time! Get your ass in here!” Jeremy yells out through the speaker and then I can hear a clicking sound in the door as the lock mechanism gets disengaged and I open the door and step inside. Thank God they only live on the second floor of this walk-up. I’d really hate to climb up a ton of steps to get to their place. I reach their door and knock on it.

“It’s open fucker!” Jeremy yells from inside their place and I oblige his polite greeting and step inside their apartment. They live in an older apartment building, therefore, their pad is a little old, but they do the best with it. It always strikes me as odd when I step inside their place because the kitchen area is the first room that you walk in. Really, their kitchen and living room area is just one big room with the only distinct separation is the kitchen area is not carpeted, whereas the large living area is. They do an amazing job keeping their place clean, which makes the place look good even though it is an older place. There’s a lot to say for making the best with what one has to work with. They are both sitting in the living room area; Jeremy is on their couch and Chris is sitting in a recliner that is off to the side of the couch with the seats of the couch and the recliner is perpendicular to one another. The boys are already drinking some beers. That is an important thing to do before going out. It is expensive to drink in the clubs, so you have to start out with a few beverages before going out. It is important to keep some semblance of sobriety though. One does not want to look like the town drunk when trying to pick up the females that may have worked back in college, but now in the real world, the lovely ladies are not going to be interested in you if you are stumbling and drooling all over yourself.

“Why don’t you grab us all a beer, since you are right there by the refrigerator?” Jeremy asks me and I nod my head as I open the fridge and grab 3 bottles of lager from the great Brooklyn Brewery.

“What’s up fuckers?” I ask as I walk over to them with the beer.

“Not too much, just getting a little pre-game on before we go out,” Chris says in his usual dead-pan manner. Chris is the odd one in this group because he is rather conservative. He’s dressed like he’s ready to go to the office in his baby blue button down shirt with a darker shade of khakis. He is wearing a tie as well, but at least he has brown shoes and a brown belt to go with his khakis. There’s nothing wrong with being over-dressed and maybe Chris is on to something by looking like he is a success. That’s probably a wise move for him, since his personality is rather plain and he’s not the type to work out, yet he is super-thin. In a way, he may be too thin, but that’s who he is. He’s the shy guy who watches the world go by and I have to wonder if deep inside he’s just waiting to bust loose of the shell he’s trapped in.

“I’m getting ready to have some chick sitting on my face tonight! I feel the intense desire to fuck!” Jeremy exclaims in his own unfiltered way. To say that Jeremy is a little rough around the edges would be so much of an understatement that it gives new meaning to the word understatement. He really has no filter when he is with the guys, but he can amazingly turn that off when he’s in the presence of women. Jeremy, unlike Chris and I, didn’t have the luxury of going to college, but he went right into the work force immediately and got a job with a construction company and has been hard-working his whole adult life. If his early life was a hand of poker, he started off with seven-deuce off-suit, but seeing that it was the only hand he could play he went all-in and hit his full house. He won’t have the opportunity for that royal flush, but it’s hard to beat a full house in poker. He would be living on his own, but he had a massive break-up with his one-time fiancée and Chris had an extra bedroom and helped out his old buddy from high school. Which was a good move for Chris; because he could put that extra money he was paying for rent away for the day when he gets himself a house.

 Going back to Jeremy, he’s a blue-collar guy and he is strongly built from his long days of physical labor. He does clean up very well as he is easily pulling off the classy polo shirt and jeans look. I am actually quite jealous of his immaculately white Reebok’s that he is wearing. I can never keep white sneakers looking good.

“What have I told you about eating a girl out on a one nighter; it is not a good idea, that’s something you save for the day you break down and start dating someone again,” I say to Jeremy.

“Hey, I like my girls like I like my steaks, dark on the outside with a warm, moist pink center. Don’t tell me that you have never gone down on a girl?” Jeremy asks me.

 “I can truthfully say that I never have,” I respond as I take a drink of my lager.

 “So, you don’t get a fucking blow-job when you take a chick home?” Jeremy asks me and I see the point he is trying to make.

 “I’ve told you this before, but I guess I have to repeat myself; when you bring a female home for a one and done you do not eat her pussy. I don’t give a shit how hot the chick is that is an act you save for someone you actually give a shit about. I don’t expect a blow-job on a one and done, so she shouldn’t expect me to eat her out. Now, I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate the lovely ladies who do go down on me, but it is not something that I ask for and they should know better than to waste that act on me. Any self-respecting woman looking for a good night of fucking knows better than to put my dick in their mouth or want me to suck on their clit,” I say to both Jeremy and Chris.

“I know, but sometimes in the moment I get carried away and do it,” Jeremy says.

“You need to stop. The one nighter is nothing more than a business transaction. You and the female both have a need and the means to provide the other satisfaction of the need, therefore, you are just someone supplying a service and the service is fucking. You do not need to supply the extra frills. That is for love making, not mindless, careless fucking,” I respond to Jeremy.

 “That is one way at looking at getting some pussy,” Jeremy says.

“It’s the best way to look at it. Remember, the females out there who are willing to go home and do that act with you know the rules of the game and I can guarantee that it is not the first time that those females have played that game,” I respond.

“I’ll try to remember that tonight when I’m banging away at some new, fresh pussy,” Jeremy says.

“It is rather disturbing that all you think about is pussy,” Chris says to Jeremy and I get a little chuckle out of that.

“Pussy is the only thing worth thinking about, roomie. You should try it some night,” Jeremy says to him and then takes a chug out of his bottle of beer.

“Yeah, maybe if you got laid some night you wouldn’t be dogging us for all the cupcakes we get,” I say to Chris.

 “Fuck you guys! I’ll get my cupcake when I want it,” Chris says to us.

“Can you get it soon?” Jeremy asks him rhetorically.

 “Like maybe tonight; I’ll help you out. Be my wing tonight and I will guarantee that you get some ass,” I say to Chris.

“That’s fine for you guys, but I don’t want some ass. I want the right ass. I’ve had enough of women that are here for the short-term. I’m in the market to find someone that will stick around a little more long-term,” Chris says.

 “That’s noble, naïve, but noble. Let me let you in on a little secret, some ass is the right ass, ok. There isn’t a magic pussy out there, that’s going to have fireworks and music playing out of it,” I say to Chris.

“Really, because I thought that happened for you every night,” Chris responds to me rather sarcastically.

“I can’t say that I’ve ever had that happen, but if I did I think I would either run far away or marry her right there on the spot,” I say with a big smile on my face.

“Also, you should know that there are some pussies out there that will squirt right back at you,” Jeremy says as he got up from his seat and puts Chris in a playful little headlock.

“What!” Chris exclaims as he playfully pushes Jeremy off of him.

“Really dude, you had to go there. He ain’t ready for all that shit yet. We’re still trying to get his dick wet. Don’t scare him away before we even get him on the playing field,” I respond to Jeremy. I always marvel at the things that can come out of Jeremy’s mouth, but his no bullshit ways are refreshing to say the least.

“It’s a nice playing field to be on though, it’s like scoring the game winning touchdown and being tackled by hundreds of naked cheerleaders,” Jeremy says.

“That’s an image, but I like to think of it as synchronized swimming,” I say with a laugh.

“Oh no, you had to go there you sick bastard,” Jeremy says as laughs hysterically.

“You both are sick bastards! I really can’t believe that women out there flock to you guys. If they heard you talk like this, you would never get anything!”

“That’s why there is guy talk and girl talk, my friend. There are just some things that should only be talked about in the company of men and should never be uttered in the company of women. That is the most important lesson you can learn from us, Chris, and that is the concept of girlspeak,” I say to him.

 “Girlspeak?” Chris asks me.

 “Yes, girlspeak; it’s a whole different language like maletalk,” I say as Jeremy gets up and heads into the kitchen.

 “Maletalk, are you just making shit up and talking out of your ass?” Chris asks me.

“I’m not making shit up and I’m not talking out of my ass either, my friend. It’s just an unspoken truth between men and women, we speak different languages when we are involved in inter-gender communication,” I say to him as Jeremy comes back into the living area with three more beers.

“I figured we’d need another round of beers to get through this lesson,” Jeremy says as he hands us each a bottle of lager. “Forget all that shit that you learned in college, this is going to be the greatest lesson that you could ever learn. For fuck’s sake, you are getting it for free. Shit, Shawn you could write books about this kind of stuff and make millions of dollars!”

 “Thank you for that vote of confidence, Jeremy. I may have to consider that in the future. Now, Chris, this is the deal; women have their own language. It sounds a lot like English and it is deeply rooted in the English language, but they just use words in a different way. Women want to talk and they don’t want to hear us ramble on about something that they could care less about, like the football game from last night. The key to being good at the game is asking questions. When you are talking with a woman and the chemistry is clicking make absolutely sure that you keep your words to a minimum and end your part of the conversation with a question. Before you know it, you will have them going on and on about their favorite movies, clothes, hell you may even find out about their childhood pet,” I say to Chris as I notice Jeremy nodding his head in approval of what I am saying.

“That sounds like a lot of work,” Chris responds.

“Not really, this is why you have two sides of your brain to control different functions within the body. You just have to listen for the important topics that flow out of their mouths, so you understand what they are talking about and then let the other half of your brain start imaging what they are going to look like naked. Or you can do like Jeremy and I do and play our little game,” I respond.

“What is your little game?” Chris asks with a hint of apprehension in his voice.

“Jeremy, would you like to have the honor of describing our little game with Chris?” I ask Jeremy and he smiles at the thought of this.

“No problemo. Chris, Shawn and I occasionally play a little game when we are talking with the females at the bar. The game is simply to try and imagine what the female we are talking to does for her personal styling.”

 “Styling?” Chris asks. “Jesus Christ, the one time in my life I try and tactful and Chris doesn’t get what I am saying. By styling, I mean what type of hair styling they have for their pussy. You have the completely shaved bush which is awesome, but then you have the variations. The most common one for females that keep some kind of pussy hair is the landing strip which is a nice little pointer to the destination that you want to go to. Some females out there still have the 70’s afro bush, where you can tell that they haven’t trimmed that shit in a very long time and it can be somewhat distracting when you see it because it is rare that it still happens. Going down on a woman with the afro bush takes a special man or a handy Swiss army knife that has a flashlight to help you search for the pussy or even those old helmets that the coal miners wore with the light on top. Even worse than the afro bush, however, is what I have referred to as the wet suit look and that simply put is a woman whose pubic hair stretches out and goes in a direct line with a bikini bottom. It is definitely not for the weak of heart, especially since you can usually see the pubes sticking out of their panty line, sort of like that old Black Crowes CD cover. When you see that, you just want to get inside of that wet pussy as fast as possible and get the job done and get on home,” Jeremy says to Chris whose mouth has literally dropped open.

“You guys are sicker than I even imagined!” Chris says in a tone of nauseated disgust and gets up from the recliner. I decide that I have to step in and mediate and bring Chris back from his shock, but I have to wonder why he is so shocked. That wasn’t the worst thing to even come out of Jeremy’s mouth, but I get up and walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder since he had turned his back to us as he walked away from his seat.

“I know this is a lot to take in, but what Jeremy just did is a perfect example of maletalk. These are things that we can talk about in comfort when it is just us guys hanging out. We would never talk like this when there are women around. If you think women aren’t doing the same thing when they are in the company of their girls, then you are quite wrong. Women will talk to their female friends about the guy that they boned the night before. They don’t shy away from any topic. They will talk about our dick sizes, our pubic hair styling, stamina and physical flaws that we have, unless you do one thing and that is satisfy them like no one ever has. If you do that, then none of that other shit matters because if you give them orgasms that they will never forget, then you can bet every last hair on your ass that that is what they will be telling their girls. You want that reputation as an amazing lover, because the women will do all the work for you. Seriously, you could have a two-inch dick, look like a sheep when you are naked, be fat and sloppy or all of the above and it won’t matter because they will look past all of that shit if they know that you will be able to fuck them like they have never been fucked before. Can I get an amen!” I exclaim at the end of my gospel.

 “Amen, my brother, amen! I’ll even throw in a hallelujah!” Jeremy exclaims as he gets up from the couch and gives me a one-man standing ovation.

“Thank you, my brother,” I respond to Jeremy and then turn my attention back to Chris. “That is the key though; find ways to get the ladies to talk. The less that you have to say as you are trying to pick up a woman is the best way to go about things. Let them do the work for you, then when you do bed them do not be a fucking douchebag and just be in it for yourself. Make sure that you give them the best night of their life. Any decent woman out there isn’t going to cling to you afterwards; they know the rules to the game. They know that if they go to bed with you on the first night that there isn’t going to be anything more and any woman who does go home with a guy upon first meeting them was only looking for a fuck anyway. However, if you give them that amazing night they will always remember you and you may even become the standard that they judge their lovers by down the road and that is a very cool thing my friend,” I say as take a rather large drink from my beer bottle. “I know this is a huge burden and not every guy out there can handle it, but I have faith in you Chris. You have that nice guy thing going for you which is a bigger benefit in your favor than you think. We just got to work on your ability to make them laugh and get them engaged in conversation with you and you will be out there rocking and rolling with the ladies. You are a very good-natured person and I know that you would go out of your way to satisfy the ladies out there and that’s the most important part to all of this. It isn’t about us, we do this for all the women out there who are just looking for that one magical night so they can believe in their heart’s that there are good men out there,” I conclude my speech to Chris and he can’t help but smile at me.

 “That may be the biggest bunch of bullshit that I have ever heard. Damn, now I know why you are so good with the ladies, you know what to say at the right moment,” Chris says to me and drinks some of his beer.

 “That’s his gift, he can out bullshit anyone,” Jeremy says.

“Not everyone, but I learned how to bullshit with the best of them from one of my old college buddies,” I say. “Of course, you can try and take your pimp status to the next level by taking a woman out to a place she would never expect.”

“Yeah, I own your ass on that one since I did score once after taking a chick to a strip club,” Jeremy yells out with his face beaming with pride.

“What!” Chris yells out as he spits out some beer out of his mouth in the process.

“That’s right daddy-o, the J-man took a girl to a strip club and then brought her sweet ass home. That’s game, my friend, she was so impressed by my ability to stay focused on her even with all the naked chicks around me. Score one for Jeremy on that motherfuckers!” Jeremy says with the innocence of a baby standing on its own for the first time.

“He has come so far under my tutelage, now I have to do the same for you, Chrissy boy,” I say as I am still laughing at Jeremy.

“You know I hate it when you call me, Chrissy. I have one last thing to ask the two of you; doesn’t it get a little tiring going out trying to look for a strange woman all the time?” Chris asks Jeremy and me. Jeremy immediately starts laughing at this comment, but I look out the window not wanting to say anything, because I keep thinking about having to shut down my game at some point here, so I can put the best image for my job and life.

 “Fuck no! The challenge is what makes it worthwhile. Like Shawn said, this is a mission that only a few men can take. We aren’t doing this for notches in our belts; we are doing this to save women from all the asshole guys out there who just want to bang a chick and not care about the women in the scenario. Just stick with Shawn, he’s the fucking A number 1 Jedi master at this. He won’t fail you.”

“Alright, enough already I’ll give it a fucking shot,” Chris says.

 “Awesome, now we can get out of here and get a fine piece of ass on top of Chris tonight,” I say as I put my arm around his shoulders and the three of us clink our beer bottles together and finish up our remaining beer and then make our way for a night on the town.