Chapter 1 to 2014

CHAPTER 1

Wednesday, November 7, 2012. Austin, Texas. 5:53 AM CST.

A quiet morning sleep is disturbed by the ringing of the phone next to Governor Wallace's bed. Groggily, the Governor reaches in the dark to find the phone to silence its shrilling ring.
“Hello,” the Governor says in that faraway voice that is stuck somewhere between the land of the living and the land of dreams.
“It's time,” is all the voice on the other end of the line said and as quickly as it was uttered the line went dead as the caller hung up. Even before putting the phone back on its base, the Governor sits up in his bed with a look of fear and urgency on his face. This is the moment he has feared for over 20 years, when he made a deal of a lifetime. He was promised power and a place in the world and that was more than enough for the young Wallace to sign up. Now, he is being asked to help start the process for the end of the status quo.
Governor Richard Wallace has been the most popular Governor in the state of Texas for a long time now. He has reached a third term. Not too bad for a kid who grew up in Brooklyn and had to push himself harder than most kids his age to build the life and goals that he wanted. Instead of girls and football games, Wallace spent his nights reading and studying. He wanted nothing more than to gain access to the good life. He worked harder than anyone could ever imagine, including himself, gaining a full academic scholarship to Harvard University.
It was at Harvard where over 20 years ago, he met the person on the other end of the phone call. Wallace was told if he believed in the group and executed the plan, he would have great power and would not have to worry about wealth for his life. However, as most deals like this there was a catch and now is the time that he hoped would never come. Having enjoyed success in life Wallace was hoping that this day would never come, where he would have to honor his part of the arrangement, for he knows the consequences of the action that he will start today. Once he starts the ball rolling, there will be no going back to normal and everything he worked so hard for will be shattered. However, he knows that he has no choice. He is just hoping that he made the right decision.
The Governor gets out of bed and does his preparations to go into the office for work. As he is showering, he tells himself that today is the moment where he gets to start rewriting history. He is wondering how he will be remembered. Will he be a hero, a revolutionary, or will he end up being vilified? He quickly disregards this line of reasoning, because he knows in his heart how he will be remembered will depend on the outcome.
Wallace gets ready to drive to the office. He kisses his wife, who is still asleep, on the forehead and then leaves the house. He gets in his Lincoln MKZ Hybrid car and drives to the Governor's office. He pulls in around seven o'clock, which is early for him, but he knows that he has a busy day ahead of him. He is the first one in the building and he heads to his office. He picks up his office phone and dials his press secretary Louise Corsaro. The phone rings twice before she picks up.
“Good morning, sir,” she says, “you're in early today.”
“Good morning Louise. I know I'm in early and I apologize for calling so early, but I'm going to need you to come in a little early today. I'm going to need you to set-up a press conference today. Try and get out of town markets in here, if possible. It is an important conference, so I would greatly appreciate it if you could get reporters form Dallas, Houston and San Antonio as well as the local news. I'm also going need you to call in all my staff in as soon as possible. It's going to be a busy, but important day. Have them all meet in my office at 10:00AM, except for Chief-of-Staff Ryan, ask him to meet me in my office at 9, please.”
“Wow, may I ask what this is about?” Louise asks.
“I'd rather this remain a secret until the press conference. If you can schedule it for three o'clock today that would be absolutely perfect.”
“No problem, Governor. I'll be at the office within the hour.”
“Thank you, Louise,” Wallace replies. “I will see you soon.”

Wallace sits back in his chair and then proceeds to open up the bottom drawer of his mahogany desk and stares at the contents of the drawer. He looks at the shiny, unused .45 that rests next to a half empty bottle of Chivas Regal Scotch and for a brief moment he wants to grab the handgun, but thinks better of it and takes the bottle of scotch out of the drawer. He does not open the bottle to take a drink; however, it is what is under the bottle that is of his concern. It is a document that will put into motion the state of Texas, returning to its nation-state status when the state broke away from Mexico. It is the form to authorize secession from the United States of America. All Wallace needs now is the support of the people in order to win over the Texas State Legislation. For two decades now, Wallace has lived with the thought that one day he will be the man who will live or die as either a hero or live in infamy as the man who may start a second American Civil War. It has been so long and he has witnessed so much over these years that he thought this day would actually never come; but now he knows that the talk of idealism in his youth is going to come to a burning head.
He knows deep in his heart that this may be a very hard sell to the people of his state, but he also fears that it may be the easiest sell he's ever made. Wallace knows that there are a lot of problems throughout this country and in his home state and there may be no other resolution to help out his constituents. The biggest problem he knows that will come is fighting the United States to let his state leave the Union peacefully. The doubt that creeps into his soul over that thought haunts him in this moment, but he knows what the person who called him has planned and knows that it will happen either with or without him. He stares at a portrait of his favorite President, Abraham Lincoln. The courage to make the tough decisions and stick with that choice is always a difficult one, especially when one knows that this decision may cause the death of millions and a destruction of a way of life that so many have grown accustomed to.
Wallace also knows that if the plan comes to full fruition and is successful that he will be a hero to many and his name will live on forever. As he thinks of that, Wallace decides to get up and grab a glass from a little table to the side of the office. Upon grabbing it, he goes back to his desk and grabs the bottle of scotch from his drawer and decides to pour himself a generous shot. Here's to the future, he thinks to himself as he does the entire shot in one gulp.
“I hope you know what you're doing,” Wallace says aloud to no one.

At 8:58, Chief of Staff Steven Ryan, steps inside Governor Wallace's office.
“Good morning, sir,” said Ryan a man in his early 40's with slightly balding hair, but even through his tailor-made Armani suit you can see the glimpses of the former athlete he once was. Ryan was an All-Pro receiver for the beloved Dallas Cowboys, who after two devastating knee injuries left the game to focus his life on helping the people of his native Texas. Wallace was smart enough to bring in the popular figure early in his first campaign and most political pundits give Ryan the credit for Wallace's victory and overwhelming popularity within the state. Most people believe that Wallace could get the approval of anything and anyone in the state, because of his popularity and the majority of that popularity goes to Ryan; a fact that is not lost on anyone inside the Governor's staff.
“Morning Steve, could you please close the door behind you?” Governor Wallace says to his Chief of Staff.
“Absolutely, sir,” Ryan says as he closes the door behind him and takes a seat in the center of the office where the staff has their meetings. He notices the glass and bottle on the desk and says with a smile, “I guess it's an early day for us this morning.”
Wallace looks down at the bottle that he left on the desk that he forgot about with all that has been on his mind. “Yeah, I guess it is.” Wallace puts the bottle back in his drawer. “Steve, I'm not going to bullshit you here, today is going to be the day that will change everything. More than ever I'm going to need your support to help sell this idea to the people.”
“What are we talking about here, sir?” Ryan asks.
“I'm talking about returning the glorious state of Texas to its own nation again.”
Ryan puts his papers on down on the table in front of him and stands up. “Sir that may really not be that hard of a sell to the people of Texas; there are a lot of disgruntled citizens out there who are angry with the way the country has turned. We will still need a lot of time to get everything going, though.”
“I hate to do this to you, but you won't have a lot of time to go convince people. I'm going to announce the plans for this today at 3 o'clock. I know that this is going to throw a shockwave, but that's what I want,” Wallace says.
“Sir, I don't understand why we are going to rush this. Give me time to poll the people so we get the right data and figure out if this is even a feasible course of action. We don't need to throw it out there without warning to the good people of the state!”
Governor Wallace stands up, “I understand your concern, Steve, but if we get found out running polls, the United States Government will be up our asses so fast that we will never get this through, but if we take the initiative and announce this and state that it is our Constitutional right to declare secession, then they will have to quietly allow us to go through the petition phase. That will give us 30 days to get the 25,000 signatures from Texas citizens to put in the legal forms to the United States. During that time we can finish the logistics of making this move. It's going to be a lot of work for all of you and it will be essential to get volunteer help as well as the support of all the businesses based here, mainly the oil companies that are our meal ticket to help us be a sustainable self-sufficient nation.”
“I understand all of that, sir; I just want to be sure you are ready for the consequences of this course of action. This could lead to war with America!” Ryan exclaims.
“I love your passion, Steve, and I am well aware of what may happen by making this move. War is a possibility and something that we will have to make sure that the people of Texas understand is a possible outcome of this situation, however, I assure you that I have it under good authority that we will not be the only ones who will be going this route. We are just going to have the luxury of being the first to announce it to the world.”
“Whose authority? Have you been conspiring with other states?” Ryan asks.
“No, I haven't. Trust me, all will soon be revealed. The United States is going to have no choice but to accept our petition and all things will be fine. The United States is not going to want to look like an aggressor and have the world watch them turn their military on its own people; people who are just exercising their right to initiate change from within. Believe me, I want you behind me on this, but you have your own free will to decide if you want to be a part of this or not.”
Ryan sits down and stares at his friend for a few moments. “Sir, I have always been behind you and supported you all the way and I'm not about to change now. I just like to run all possibilities and analyze the options that are in front of me.”
“I know. That is what made you the great Chief of Staff that you have been. There is nothing wrong with looking at every angle and looking for the best outcome. When this is all settled, my friend, you are going to be on the world stage as a leader and everyone is going to see what a great leader you are. Believe me, I will do everything possible to make this as peaceful as possible. We are just looking for a better reality for all the people we serve. This nation has a lot of problems that everyday seems to grow with no one wanting to do anything to fix it. We have the ability to make change and survive on our own and take care of our people and that is something that as elected officials we need to do. It's in the people's hands anyway. Without the signatures, this is all meaningless anyway. That is why the United States Government may leave us alone figuring that we are bluffing and let this course of action play out. Again, we have a hard sell, first to the staff and then to the people that we serve, but I have faith that we can do this. Most importantly, I'm going to need you to make sure the Lieutenant Governor will be behind this all the way, just in case something happens to me along the way.”
Ryan stands up once again and this time heads over to the Governor's desk. “I sincerely hope nothing happens to you, but I will go speak to the Lieutenant Governor right now to ensure that all things go well on your behalf. I assure you that the rest of the staff will be behind you and I promise you that you will have more than enough signatures for the petition. This is something that is going to go down in history for all time and the most important part of it is that we are doing this for the benefit of the people, not ourselves,” as he says this he extends his hand out to Wallace for a handshake.
Wallace gets up and shakes his friend's hand, “Thank you for everything, Steve. Your service has been amazing and I cannot thank you enough. Now, let's get ready for the staff meeting and get ready for this historic day,” after Wallace says this, they both head back to the meeting area in the Governor's office and wait for the staff to arrive.

Wallace is easily able to convince his staff of the decision that Texas leaving the Union is the right choice. You may not get a truthful response from most Texans, but some will tell you they are a Texan first and an American second. Wallace, though he was not born a Texan, has done his best to ingratiate himself with the people of Texas. It wasn't any easy road for him at first moving to the Houston area fresh out of the Ivy League. He used his time at Cambridge wisely building up business contacts and working hard so he could save up enough money to start his own business immediately. He had spent every summer vacation back in New York interning for any investment house that he could. The summers before his junior and senior year were the most beneficial for him as he got paid and was an employee for Merrill Lynch. He was being groomed to become part of the company, but he surprised his bosses when he asked if he could transfer a Houston office upon his graduation. Manhattan is where the money is after all, but unknown to his bosses Wallace would have a greater ambition than being an investment banker. His course of action was for him to end up in Austin in the Governor's office.
Wallace would have to wait for that as he had two major requirements to fulfill. He would have to become a resident of the state for at least five years and have to wait until he hit the age of 30 before he could even consider accomplishing the goal that was laid out for him back at Cambridge. Even bigger than waiting for those requirements to happen, he was going to have to earn the trust of the people in the state. As an outsider and perhaps even worse a Northerner, he was met with not a lot of approval in the Houston community immediately. It was tough to gain the trust of the people with his Northern accent, which was an odd mixture of New York and Boston accents. It sounds like this is such a petty thing, but one thing about the human collective is a slow acceptance of those who are perceived as different. So Wallace relied on what he knew best, his determination, intellect and work ethic to get the best clients and to make him known in the Houston community. He even went so far to work on his accent and get more twang and drawl in his speech. When not at the office, for the first few years there, Wallace spent all his time studying the laws of the state as well as the interests of the people, by the time he was done with all of that he could easily pass the state bar exam.
In 1996, his third year in Texas, he met a young woman named Julianna. They met at a fundraiser for her father who was running for re-election to the U.S. Senate. The two were smitten for each other from the start. In 1999, after 3 years of courtship the couple married and in 2001 they had brought a son into the world. Wallace was living the life he always dreamed of and had gained enough in roads through his marriage into the political world that in that same year he announced that he was putting his name in the mix for the office of Governor. He ended up being the party’s main candidate and in the 2002 election, he won the office by a landslide victory. Not bad for a kid from Brooklyn, Wallace would think to himself. His conservative politics made him popular with the people and as stated earlier won re-election in 2006 and 2010.
Now, he sits in his office by himself for the first time in his adult life he is totally unsure of what he must do. It had been so long since he received an envelope that mapped out his career path. He had come to believe this moment would never come, but perhaps that was his foolish wishes. It’s a lot easier to make a deal when you have nothing to lose and are handed the outline for your dreams to happen. It’s a difficult decision to honor that deal 20 years later when one has so much to lose. Wallace is not scared of the reaction within his state; he’s more afraid that this idea will be met with overwhelming popularity than discontent.
In less than an hour, he will be going live to the major news outlets in the state and knows that it will be a matter of minutes before what he says will be sent out throughout the land via national TV news stations and the internet. He has the added pressure of being the first to do something this radical in over 150 years. The fear for his family is coming into his mind and he wonders if he should’ve talked to his wife and maybe even his father-in-law before making the press conference, but he wasn’t sure if that was the plan called for. He had to tell his staff, because he was going to need them to garner the support of the people, but even so he was scared that maybe he shouldn’t have after all he was unsure as to who was actually running the group. There’s no way he could have gotten all of this into place all by himself, Wallace thinks to himself. He had to threaten his staff with termination if any word of this got leaked out before his three o’clock press conference. It’s 2012 and Gov. Wallace is asking the near impossible, keeping something from the media until it’s officially time to tell them.
He knows there is going to be serious heat thrown on him and his family from up on high. The press will be all over this story for a long time and will either praise him or crucify him, most likely both. He’s afraid on how the world will react to his wife and children. The problem with trying to do something great is when you have others that matter in your life and you have to look out for them as well. The life of a politician would be so much easier if you had no family to worry about. With all his fears and doubts, however, he knows that he has to start this wheel in motion. It’s the same fear for his family that makes him certain that he must do this. He doesn’t want to know what the repercussions would be if he failed to go through with his deal.
His thoughts are interrupted by a knock on his door and his press secretary comes in. “Sir, it’s time to get ready for your press conference. They are all outside in a frenzy wanting to know what this is about and hating me right now for not giving them anything to prepare for.”
“Thank you, Louise,” Wallace says as he looks at his watch. “I guess they aren‘t used to being kept in the dark anymore. It‘s good for them to sit and wonder all they want. I imagine they are going crazy trying to figure out what this press conference is about.”
“I imagine so, sir. I just want you to know that I’m behind you 100%”
“Thank you Louise for your support. It makes this moment easier knowing that I have the support of my staff,” Wallace says as he straightens up his tie.
“You look regal, sir.”
“Thanks,” Wallace says with his charming smile. “I guess now is the time to shock the world,” Wallace says as he and his press secretary head outside the Governor’s office building. He wanted to make this announcement outside and open to the public as possible. Governor Wallace’s press secretary steps up to a podium set up in front of the building.
“Thank you all for your patience and cooperation while waiting for the Governor to make his statement to all of you. The Governor will have a statement for all of you and will not take any questions at this time. Governor Wallace will be ready in 30 seconds,” Louise Corsaro told the group of reporters that were in front of the podium. It was a mixture of newspaper reporters and television news reporters out there waiting for the news that Gov. Wallace was about to deliver. Gov. Wallace walked up to the podium ready to speak.
“Thank you all for coming today. I know this has been difficult for you all to come here and wait without having any idea of what this press conference is about. The reason for the secrecy will soon be made apparent to all. They say we live in times where there is nothing shocking anymore. I’d wager that this announcement today will quite possibly change the course of history. I’m not going to waste time with what I have to say to all of you today. Ladies and gentlemen of the great state of Texas, I am going to ask all citizens of this state to help start the process of returning the state of Texas back to an independent nation once again,” as Wallace says that statement there are several very loud audible gasps from the crowd of both reporters and citizens that had gathered for the press conference.
“I know that this may come across as very surprising and sudden, but it has been a thought for a long time now. For far too long, we have all been silent as there has been growing problems within this country. As a member of the political realm, I often ask myself if enough is being done to fix the growing problems that have arisen. Regretfully, I have finally come to the decision that the people of this nation are not the main concern of the majority of so many who hold public office and serve this nation.
“I know that not all of my decisions have been graced with overwhelming popularity, but I believe in my heart that I have always had the best intentions for the people of Texas. I may not have been born here, but I have been here long enough to fully embrace the people of this great place and I’m proud to call this place my home.
“Some of you may ask how this will come to pass. The first thing needed is a petition signed by the good people of the state. Starting tomorrow there will be copies of a petition for official state secession available in all local court houses as well as all statewide public libraries. All that will be needed for all citizens over the age of 18 who wish to sign is a valid ID and proof of residency in the state of Texas. This is a chance for all of us to take an active part in the government policies of the land and show Washington that this is still a nation for the people. I thank you all for your time and hope to see a lot of you out there signing the paper and sending a message to the nation and the world that if necessary, Texas will stand alone once again. Have a good day everyone,” Gov. Wallace says as he steps away from the podium and heads back to go inside his office building. The press corps looks at each other in disbelief and then the TV news reporters go to the business of reporting to the viewing audience and the print reporters try to rush to start working on this story for making the press for the early morning editions.
As Wallace heads back inside his private office, his secretary says to him, “Sir, you have President Jackson on line 1 and your wife on line 2.”
“Thank you, Nancy. I’ll take the call with the President right now and could you please explain to my wife why I will call her as soon as I am done with the President.”
“No problem, sir,” she responds.
“Oh Nancy, I wish to not be disturbed for the rest of the day, thank you,” Gov. Wallace says as he heads into his office and shuts the door behind him. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that President Jackson is calling me about this, he thinks to himself as he heads to his desk and picks up the line to speak to the President.
“Good afternoon, Mr. President, I’m sorry for keeping you on hold for as long as it took me to get back to my desk.”
“That’s quite alright, Governor. I guess it’s safe to say you caused quite a stir today,” the President says on the other end of the line.
“I imagine that it did cause quite a stir.”
“I have to ask just what the hell you think you are trying to accomplish here?” the President asks quite angrily.
“Sir, I assure that this is done with the best of intentions. I wanted to do something to shake things up and get the people in the state to stop being so apathetic to the problems that are in both Texas and this nation.”
“Well, what are you going to do if you get a massive amount of signatures and those people want action taken? Did you think of that?” the President asks Wallace still with a hint of anger in his voice.
“If it gets that far, sir, and that’s a big if, we’ll have to leave it in the hands of the courts to see how the will rule on this situation.”
“Richard, couldn’t you have waited a few days to do this. I’m still recovering from the re-election celebration last night. I’m going to have to bring you up here and have an official talk with you about all of this. I’ll have our secretaries set-up a mutually available time and date for us, there’s no hurry on this, as long as I have your word that you will not do anything in the very near future,” President Jackson says calmly.
“No sir, I don’t plan on doing anything with this in the immediate future. I’m sure I’ll be very busy over the next few weeks with all of this. I know the press is never going to leave me alone and that’s going to be a full-time job just keeping them with no story to print. Is there anything else, sir, because I really need to call my wife and really get my ass chewed out,” Wallace says with a laugh.
“You haven’t told your wife yet, you really are a brave one,” Jackson says jokingly. “But no, I have nothing else for now. I’ll be in touch if I see or hear anything that I find upsetting coming from here. I’ll meet with you soon, Gov. Wallace.”
“It will be my pleasure to meet with you sir. Thank you for your patience with this matter,” says Wallace.
“No problem, now don’t keep your wife waiting any longer. Good day, Governor.”
“Good day, Mr. President,” Wallace says as the President hangs up the phone. Wallace puts the phone back on the receiver and reaches into his interior pocket of his suit jacket and pulls out his cellular phone. He looks down at the screen of his iPhone and sees that he already has three missed calls from his wife and two from his father-in-law. This is going to be fun, Wallace thinks to himself as he calls his wife. After two rings, Wallace’s wife Julianna answers.
“Hi honey,” Wallace says.
“Don’t give me that ‘hi honey’ shit. Would you like to explain to me how you can make such an important decision that affects so many including your family and not at least discuss it with me? Do you have any idea of the shitstorm that you are going to cause by doing this!” yells Mrs. Wallace through the phone.
“Hun, it’s going to be fine. I’ve just talked to the President about this and he understands what I’m doing at the present moment.”
“Exactly what the fuck are you trying to accomplish besides pissing off a lot of people across the land. We already have the press corps camping out at the house. You realize they aren’t going to leave us alone!” Mrs. Wallace screams.
“They’ll go away once they have no story to report. They will do their best to try and sensationalize this while they can, but as the way of the world something will come up to take their mind off of me and all of this. I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you about this, but it was hard enough to make this move and I don’t think I could’ve done it, if we talked about it, because I fear I would’ve let you talk me out of it; even though I am positive that when the dust settles this is the right thing to do.”
“Hun, you know that if you believe that strongly about something that I’ll always stand beside you, even if I disagree with you. I love you Richard, even though you can be a stubborn ass from time to time. You are my husband, the father of my children and for that I will always be here; you do not have to ever worry about me not being there for you when you have tough decisions to make,” says a calmer Mrs. Wallace.
“Thank you dear, I’m sorry again that I didn’t discuss this with you. I’m going to need your strength, because I’m sure I’m going to be called a lot of things because of this; some people will think of me as a hero, while others will probably call me a traitor. I guess there’s no escaping the fact that no matter how this plays out, this will be my legacy. I’m going to leave the office and we can discuss this at home.”
“Ok dear, I’ll start making dinner for us.”
“I’ll be home shortly,” says the Governor as he ends the call. He then packs up his briefcase and prepares to head of his office. As he walks out his door, both Chief of Staff Ryan and his Press Secretary Louise Corsaro are waiting for him.
“Look, I’m sure you both have things to tell me, but it’s going to have to wait until tomorrow. I’m going home to spend some time with my family and I suggest that you both do the same, because we are going to have very busy weeks in the near future,” says Gov. Wallace.
“Sir, I just thought you should know there is a small mob outside right now!” exclaims Ryan.
“Are they supportive or protesting, or worse both?” asks Wallace.
“You should probably go outside, sir,” says Corsaro.
“Well if I go out there, I’m not going out alone. C’mon everyone, apparently there’s a party going on outside,” Wallace yells out in attempt to get his entire staff to follow him outside. When Wallace is sure that everyone still at work is ready he prepares to go outside. Wallace opens the exterior door and sees a small crowd of about 200 people that has gathered outside the Office of the Governor. The crowd erupts in a loud round of cheering as they see the Governor step outside. There is a small group of security officers that are trying to keep the mob back, but are being stressed to the brink by the excited mob. Wallace stretches out his arms and flaps them in a downward motion like a quarterback signaling the crowd to quiet down.
As the crowd quiets down, Wallace addresses the group, “We all here thank you for your support here today and I hope that the spirit of excitement that brought you down here today will continue through the weeks to come. Although we all appreciate all of you coming here today, I would kindly ask you all to go home to your families, like all of us here are wanting to do right now. These are going to be trying times, because there will be the same amount of people who will disagree with this move, but if we all stay united we will be able to present a strong case for the state of Texas to return as an independent nation. Again we thank y’all for being here and continue the enthusiasm that brought you here today to walk to the court house tomorrow and sign the petition!” Wallace says loudly so everyone could hear him and the crowd cheers loudly once again as Wallace finished. Wallace then heads away from the building to get to his car so he can head home to be with his family.
 

Chapter 1 from my 2nd novel Take a Shot

CHAPTER 1

It is another quiet night for me, sitting here at my favorite place to drown out my sorrows. I’m down at good old Bleachers; it’s a nice place to go for a few early evening drinks before the college kids come in later at night to live in their party world. That is a world that has passed me by and I’ll never be able to reclaim the glory of youth. The funny thing about youth is that it is a fleeting time. A time full of energy and life, yet it is time that one knows shit about life. You feel that those days will last forever, but before you know it those days are gone and gravity takes over and the sinking feeling of growing older sinks in.
I’m sorry, I suppose it is rather rude of me to be talking to you and not introduce myself. My name is Dave Stevens, but you can call me plain old Dave. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m not the greatest person in the world when it comes to dealing with the other members of the human collective. I’ve accepted that my life will not be extraordinary, so now I just try and get by working at a job that I hate to pay off the bills that I have. I don’t really know if there is much more out there for me, so I sit here at this bar and quietly sedate myself from the uneventfulness that is my life. I try to sit in the middle of the bar every time I come here. The main reason is that I know from here it’s easier to get served and it puts me away from the areas of the bar that get crowded. It keeps me away from the people off to my right who will be playing pool or foosball; it also puts me away from the dance floor area about 20 feet behind my ass. I have no desire to be bothered by the idiots who want to grind on each other as mindlessly as a horny dog humping your leg.
It seems like this day and age is heading to a larger emphasis on conformity. The goal of life was to be a person of high status, but the season changed and it became more important to be a person with high status items. It’s not about the character inside the soul of a person that counts anymore, but what kind of image you can present to the world. Perception has become stronger than reality and that is somewhat disturbing to me. Perception is limited to the point of view that we are fed by the news, the popular trends and whatever else can influence the mind of a person. Reality is the truth in nature; it is how things really are. You can alter people’s perception of the world or yourself, but you cannot alter the reality of your nature, not even from yourself. Like me, I can make people think I’m doing good, because I have a good job, but the ultimate reality that I can’t hide from myself is that I am far from good. That’s why I swallow down my perceptions to keep myself focused on the truth that I am a slave to my own nightmares. One drink at a time I can kill the belief that I am meant for anything good in this world, maybe that’s the reality or that could even be my own perceived notion of myself, but I know that I have failed at this thing called life.
So here I am once again in the same old place that I come to hide from the people of the world. It’s an old college dive bar, so I know here that I won’t run into anyone that I know. It’s here that I have my secret rendezvous with the one thing I have loved the most in this life. Yes, it is that warm buzz that always fills me up with happiness. I may hate the people who do come in here, because they remind me of the time when I had hope for the future; how fast I learned that you can flush hope down the toilet if you want to survive in this world. The young haven’t figured that belief in a better future is the equivalent of playing Russian roulette except the gun is fully loaded, but they still flock here to blow off the stress from their studies.
There are always the same types of people out and I hate to stereotype, but they make it so fucking easy to do. You always have to deal with the screaming girl or worse yet girls. You know who I’m talking about the group of girls or one girl who has to be the center of attention, so they just start randomly screaming; sometimes louder than the music that is playing in the bar. Of course one cannot forget about the vapid GQ wannabes, you know the guys I’m talking about; the ones that all dress the same, straight out of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog with their Supercuts haircut. These are the douches that think that they can pick up any girl that crosses their paths. They buy the girls shots to get them drunk in the hopes of taking advantage of them later in the evening. Lastly, you have the guys who just want to hang out with their friends and shoot some pool or darts. Those guys don’t bother me. Of course, you can’t forget me. I’m the guy who never fit in anywhere and I sit here alone and watch the living live their lives.
I don’t even know why I still come to these places. It’s a sort of pathetic thing to just hang on to a part of your life that is gone and ain’t ever coming back. I never imagined that I would still be sitting in a place like this at this point in my life. Hanging out with the youth when you are not one of them is a sad thing for a grown man to do, but I do it anyway. I miss the energy and vitality that came with my younger days and I never really learned to let go of the past and look toward the future. I still find it awkward on how much the world has changed since my heyday of partying and living in the fake world that exists in the college world. It was a lot better living in that fake world than in the real world that I live in now. Maybe that’s why I choose to escape back to this world when I get out of work, but I know that I cannot walk down this path forever.
I keep searching for a way out of this fucked up way of life of mine, but I have not been successful in doing so. The questions abound in my mind as to how I got here and why I can’t escape the grasp of the choices that I made my whole life. All the roads to the future lead back to one night not that long ago when something different happened to me. I’m used to coming here and just getting comfortably numb and then going back to my shitty apartment, but on this night I felt a glimmer of hope that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It’s amazing how your thoughts and desires can change in a moment. I hadn’t experienced much with feeling in a long time until that one night a few months back.
I was out real late one night and the crowd had cleared out. It’s very rare that I stay out until closing time, but for reasons unknown I stayed out and drank with the masses. They can be quite annoying from time to time. It’s different from when I was their age back in the late 90’s when we went out to socialize with friends, get drunk and possibly get laid. Now, you see these kids go out and are more concerned with their cellular phones than mingling with the living. I can’t even begin to imagine what these kids would do if they lost their phones for a few hours and actually had to communicate with the flesh and blood instead of interfacing with a handheld device. But I digress; so on this particular night I broke from my normal routine and stayed until the bar closed and on this particular night the beautiful, young bartender named Tara decided she was going to stay and have a few drinks after the close. Tara has been working here for about a year now and she definitely helps bring in the male bodies into the bar. Tara is 23 and she should be in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue instead of this dive. She’s the type of woman that you can only dream about with her auburn hair flowing past her shoulders and her blue eyes that you can swim in as you get lost in her gaze. Then there’s the pearly white smile that would brighten the darkest night; when she smiles I can actually feel my mood get better.
Back to that amazing night though, as I said for some reason I stayed all the way to close and Tara had said that she was in the mood to have a couple drinks after work and I decided to stick around with her. Not the brightest idea on my part considering I had work at 8AM and it was already 2:30 in the morning when she got done with her work and the bouncer for the evening had left, but one does not always make the best decisions when they are a little less than sober.
“So now you get to see what it’s like after we close,” says Tara as she placed a bottle of my favorite, Jack Daniels, in front of me and a bottle of Grey Goose vodka in front of her.
“Do you do this often, stay after and drink that is?” I clumsily ask her.
“Not really,” she responds as she raised her glass for a toast, “I usually have a drink or a quick beer as I’m cleaning up, but tonight I wanted to have a few more and now I have company.”
“If I’m good for anything it is drinking company,” I declare as I raise my glass to share the toast with her.
“Cheers,” she says to me as we clink our glasses together for the toast. She then walked around the bar and sat down on the bar stool next to me. I can’t help but stare at her long, smooth legs in her semi-short jean mini-skirt. I say semi-short, because it covered up everything, but still gave a nice view of her legs. She has a job to look sexy, which isn’t hard for her, yet she still remains in good taste with her dress. She catches my eyes looking down at her legs and I look back up at her to see her smile at me.
We sat there for a while drinking our drinks and having a few lemon drop shots. I must have lost track of time as we were just bullshitting and laughing while she was getting a little drunk and I was getting drunker, not knowing that in a few short moments I was going to get a surge of life that I didn’t even think was possible anymore.
I had become so sedated with life and my drinking that I hadn’t even thought of the possibility that I could share a beautiful moment with a beautiful woman. I wouldn’t have ever expected that I would even have a moment with her, because it would be quite obvious to anyone with working eyes that to get her would mean that I would have to be fighting someone in a higher class than me. Some fights are worth the knockout, I guess was the thought running through my mind.
“Wow! I think I’m fucked up!” Tara exclaims as she put her glass down after taking a drink.
“You think you’re fucked up; I know I’m fucked up” I say laughingly to her. “Christ, its 4:30 in the fucking morning. Looks like I’m calling in sick for work.”
“Oh, don’t be such a pussy, Dave. I’m going to class in the morning,” she says laughing at me.
“Class is one thing; work is a totally different animal. I ain’t about to sit at my desk and detox all day,” I say in a semi-serious tone.
“C’mon, do one more shot of vodka with me,” Tara says to me in an almost begging manner and I know I cannot refuse her feminine charms or another shot of free alcohol. She then proceeds to pour some sugar on two lemon slices and pour two more healthy shots of vodka for us. “Here you go,” she says as she hands me one of the shots. We both down the shot of vodka then she picks up one of the lemon slices. “Here’s some sugar and lemon to finish off your lemon drop,” she says as she put the slice in her mouth as she was biting down on the rind of the lemon slice. I am slightly confused by this for a second, but I move in to take the sugary lemon from her mouth and just as my lips closed down on the lemon I can feel her release the lemon from her mouth just moments before our lips touched. I suck the lemon dry and took it out of my mouth.
“That was nice. Different, but nice just the same,” I say to her.
“I thought you might like that,” Tara replies to me.
“I have no complaints, but I must admit that it would’ve been nicer without the lemon in your mouth,” I respond with a laugh.
“Are you saying that you want to kiss me, Dave?” Tara asks me with a hint of coyness in her voice.
I’m a pretty simple man and this moment is turning out to be the moment where my wildest dreams might come to fruition. It has been a long time for me since the last time I had kissed a girl, but that’s another story that I’m sure I will get to later.
“I guess I am trying to say that I would like to kiss you,” I somehow find the courage to say.
She looks at me for a moment, but that moment seems like forever as I wonder what she will say. She completely stuns me when she finally says, “I guess we could have one little kiss; what else is there to do right now.”
“We could do a whole lot more than just kiss,” I respond with obvious intentions of wanting something more to happen.
“Yeah, I guess I just walked into that one,” she says with a laugh. “Sorry Dave, I don’t sleep with just anyone,” she finishes with the phrase that would kill me for that evening.
“I figured that was true, but I had to try,” I respond trying hard to not sound completely dejected.
“Yeah, I imagine you had to try,” she says with a smile. “If you want, we could still have that kiss,” she says which gives me a feeling of relief.
I catch myself looking at her with a smile on my face that I’m sure is making me look like a complete idiot, but I don’t care. This girl is my Everest. There were far too many nights that I left the bar only dreaming what it would be like to kiss the beautiful Tara Bellusio. This moment is indeed a dream come true as I respond to her, “A kiss would be nice.” I can feel parts of my body begin to sweat as I was move in to give her what I would only hope be the most amazing kiss that she has ever had. That’s the funny thing about dreams; there always seems to be that moment when the dream is within arm’s reach to obtain, the only question is are you willing to step into that moment and make it come to life. Most of the time, us losers, don’t realize the moment that is presenting itself, but luckily for me on this night I know what is standing in front of me and there is no way that I am going to let this moment pass by and have a permanent place in the land of regret. This is what I am thinking as I move into the moment of destiny and then magic happened as our lips touch gently at first, and then we slowly increase the level of passion and strength that we both put into that kiss. I can feel her hand running through the hair on the back of my head as she was pulls me further into her, when suddenly she pulls away to end the kiss.
“Ok, that’s enough of that,” she says as she exhales deeply. “You’re a good kisser, Dave.”
“It helps to have a good kisser to share the kiss with,” I say in an attempted moment of trying to act cool so she wouldn’t notice how up my emotions were after that kiss. I decide that it is time to end this moment as I say to her, “Well, I think I need to go home and get some sleep. You need any help cleaning up?”
“Yeah, it’s definitely sleepy time. Thanks for offering to help, but I’ll be out of here in a few minutes,” she responds.
“You want me to wait for you and walk you home?” I ask in a second desperate attempt to keep this night going.
“Thanks again, Dave, but I only live two houses down from here, so I feel safe,” Tara says with a big smile on her face.
“Ok, well good night Tara,” I say as I start to head to the doors to leave.
“Night Dave,” Tara had said to me and that was the end of that beautiful moment in time when I got to feel what it must be like to be the king of the world. Now, I stare at this glass of Jack and Coke and wonder what that night even meant. We never spoke of that evening again. Can’t say that I blame her; she’s beautiful, young and vibrant and I’m none of the above. I’m just a guy in his 30’s that just sits here and drinks to excess. I’m sure that’s what she thinks of me. That’s the sad part to me and why I try to not think of that night with her, because I was probably someone for her to pass the time with for those few hours; whereas being alone with her was the defining moment of my life so far. Yes, I realize how pathetic that sounds, but I already admitted that I was pathetic, so back off.
On this night, I was about to go home when out of nowhere a new girl came in and went behind the bar. She’s a young blonde in her early 20’s wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She goes right over to Tara and they appear to talk for a brief moment. Tara looks over to me and I merely point to my glass and in a few seconds this new girl comes strolling up to me.
“Hi, what are you drinking tonight?” asks the new girl.
“Hello. What’s your name?” I ask her out of sheer curiosity.
“I’m Kristi. What can I get you?” she responds with a nervous tone as if she doesn’t know how to take me.
“Jack and Coke,” I respond so she can get to work and not be bothered by the likes of me.
“One Jack and Coke coming up,” she responds as she walks away from me to make me the one thing in this life that has loved me and never left me. I watch her as she comes back with my glass that is filled to the brim with the only hope that I know of getting by in this world.
“Thank you Kristi,” I respond as she places the glistening glass in front of me.
“No problem. Do you have a tab?” Kristi asks me with a smile.
“Yep, Tara usually runs a tab for me. It’s just easier that way.”
“Cool. I’ll be around if you need anything,” she says as she walks away from me as quickly as she walked into my life. Women are good at that; they walk in your life and light up your insides with the thought that maybe this is the one that could bring you happiness, but I’ve found that as quickly that they give you that happiness they walk away leaving you all by yourself. It’s all I’ve ever known of love, how quickly it will turn to shit. People don’t want to stay with one person by nature, it’s our nature to be free and conquer our surroundings, but we are forced into this socially constructed thing that is called love. We are told from our youth that there is someone out there somewhere that is meant for you. It’s one of the lies that our parents tell us as children to give us that hope in the world. It’s a ridiculous notion that out of 7 billion people aimlessly walking this planet that there is that one special person out there just for me. It is totally preposterous to believe in that fairy tale. There are so many factors and variables involved that the probability of finding one true person out there that is truly meant just for you seem moronic to believe in the idea in the first place. One wrong turn, one second that you look away or the harsh reality that if you do think you find such a person they are already with someone else are all things that happen to prevent you from finding such a nonsensical belief, but still people buy into the concept. We are all suckers for the happy ending and wish that we can have that happy ending, but the truth is there is no happy ending. In the end, we are all going to leave this life; therefore, we all have bad endings to this life.
I guess that’s why we all want to find that special someone just to have someone to spend the fleeting moments of this transitory life. You may want to ask me why I am so bitter, but that’s what life can do to some of us. Some people always seem to get everything they want without even trying, while people like me try so hard and always seem to fall short of happiness. So, I found my mistress in the bottom of a bottle of Jack. I guess I am somewhat hypocritical, because I too searched for something to make me happy and I found it. Maybe I do hope that one day I’ll find someone who is stupid enough to want to spend a lot of time with me, but I will never buy into the lie that that person is the only person out there who is perfect for me. There are people who we are more compatible with, I will not argue that point, but to believe that there is only one person out there for me I refuse to do. I’ve seen too much to know that is not the case. There are always circumstances that lead two people to share moments with and true love is not one of them. Loneliness and desperation are two much more valid reasons that will make people come together than the blind search for a soul mate. Seriously, give me a fucking break. Before that night with Tara, I hadn’t kissed a girl in a long time and here I am still living. Did I like kissing her? Of course I fucking did; that’s a biological urge to find sexual pleasure. Ah, fuck it, I need a drink.
I take down the rest of my drink with one big gulp and as I start to put the glass back down on the bar I notice Kristi heading my way. “How’s it going?” she asks me with a smile that is somewhat disarming, mostly because she is new and I haven’t a clue to her personality.
“It’s going good,” I respond with a smile. “However, I think I may be joining the rest of the people and head out of here.”
“Now why would you want to leave?” she asks me and suddenly I’m intrigued by why she is wondering why I would want to leave.
“I don’t know why I would want to leave, after all I am in the company of two beautiful girls,” I say somewhat flirtatiously.
That’s when Tara responds from the other end of the bar, “Don’t you fall for any of his fucking charms.”
“Well, fuck you too,” I respond to Tara with a laugh.
Tara laughs back at me and says, “You wish you could.”
“A guy can always wish,” I say with a smile.
“Yep, you can wish in one hand,” Kristi says as she makes the hand motion that is consistent with a guy masturbating.
I stand up and applaud Kristi for this simple gesture. “That’s the spirit, Kristi. Tara, I think she’ll fit in quite perfectly here.”
“Yeah, it’s her first day and she can put up with your shit and throw it right back at you. I think I may have to take her under my wing,” Tara responds.
I laugh loudly at this for a moment and then I point to my empty glass and say, “Hey, don’t you two have some work to do.”
“There’s a shock, your glass is fucking empty,” says Tara with a smile.
“It’s not totally empty, there’s still ice in it,” I respond.
“And let me guess, you would like some Jack and Coke to go with that ice,” Kristi responds in a smartass voice.
“You fucking betcha,” I say with a wide grin on my face like I just came up with the solution to all the world’s problems.
“You always gotta swear so much,” Kristi says as she takes my glass in her hand.
“Sorry. Don’t take it to personally; it just slips out a lot when I drink,” I say to her as I watch her walk away for the few moments that it takes her to pour me my drink.
“Yeah, he always swears too fucking much,” Tara laughingly says.
“Oh, what the fuck, you aren’t going to give her any shit for swearing. Hell, she swears as much as I do,” I say as Kristi returns with my drink.
“I do have to work with her and since she is technically my boss, I have to put up with it, but with you I can at least try to keep your mouth in check,” Kristi replies.
“Key word there is try,” I say to her as I take a drink and then reach for my pack of cigarettes and pop in one of my Camel menthol wides and take a deep inhale and exhale a cloud of smoke up into the air, so not to blow any in Kristi’s face.
Kristi smiles at me as she says, “Yeah, but you see I have the ultimate advantage around here and it is a tool that all good bartenders around the world use.”
“Oh yeah and what advantage would you have over me, water down my drink, not give me a full pour don’t forget I have an advantage with the tip card,” I say as I look her square in the eyes still trying to get a read on this new girl.
“I guess you do hold the tip in your favor, but you don’t seem like the guy that would play that card. And I would never do those tricks that you mentioned I just have the famous last words that you won’t want to hear and that is you’re shut off,” Kristi says as she gives off an almost childlike laugh at me.
I laugh as I put both hands over my heart as if pretending I’m having a heart attack, “Now, what fun would it be if you did that?”
“I’m sure it wouldn’t be fun for you, but I’m sure I would laugh my butt off if I did that to you sometime just to see the reaction that I would get,” she says to me.
“Please don’t do that, we don’t need to see an old man cry,” Tara says as she walks over to join in on the fun.
I laugh as I respond, “Worse than that, you don’t want to see an old, fat man crying,” I grab my little pouch of a beer belly as I say this to them.
“I guess you guys are right, we don’t need to see the old, fat man get all blubbery with tears,” Kristi says with that laugh of hers.
“Hey, I got a beer belly and the effects of many years of gravity’s pull on me, but I am not a beached whale,” I respond with a smile.
“If you don’t switch to Jack and Diet, you may soon become a beached whale,” Tara chimes in with her lovely smartass personality kicking in.
“Yeah, yeah, we all can’t be young and beautiful,” I say as I take another drink.
“Hey, it is a curse to be young and beautiful,” Tara says.
“It’s not a curse, it’s wonderful,” Kristi says as she does a little dance behind the bar to rub it in. There’s no sadness that I have ever experienced in my life that couldn’t have been erased by the moment of brevity that her little dance created, if only for a second; however, all I look for in life are the few fleeting moments where the world doesn’t seem so bad.
“No, the curse is being old and ugly like me,” I say in a tone that was almost begging for some kind of pity.
For a second both Tara and Kristi look at each other and laugh together as the turn back to me and say, “Exactly,” at the same time.
My mouth dropped open at this as I laugh at the two of them and say, “Wow, it’s her first night and you already got her ganging up on me with you, Tara.”
Tara put her arm around Kristi’s shoulders and says, “What can I say, I know how to train them. Kristi and I have bonded together like peanut butter and jelly.”
“Now, if only we were gay we could hook up,” Kristi says with a smile.
“We don’t have to be gay for that,” Tara responds which immediately gets my attention and my mind wandering to the thought of watching these two lovely ladies going at one another in the throes of passion. This is one of those moments where any a single heterosexual man has to make the following statement, “Can I watch?”
“NO!” they both yell in unison at me.
“Lend a hand?” I fire right back in the hopes of catching a moment that would definitely sustain my sexual appetite, maybe even for the rest of my life. What can I say I have quite a good imagination and memory and that would be an image that would last me until my grave.
“NO!” they both scream in unison once again.
“Aww, you two are no fun,” I say as I wave my hands in disgust at them in a joking manner.
“Yeah, but we’ll be having more fun than you will be having tonight,” Tara says as her Kristi both laugh at this.
“Go fuck yourselves,” I say as I laugh right back at them.
“I think that has been established for later tonight, but thanks for giving us your permission,” Kristi fires back at me and the both laugh at this.
“That’s it, I’m out of here. What do I owe?” I say to them.
Tara walks back to the cash register where she has a written bill of how much I had for the evening. Bleachers hasn’t got with the times and have advanced POS cash registers to help them keep track of their inventory and make life easier for their employees, but you can tell this isn’t the type of place where the owner isn’t concerned about the small details. You can tell this place is open because for some reason it makes a profit and that’s all that matters.
Tara comes back over and says, “$33 tonight.”
“Thirty-three dollars, what a bargain,” I say as I reach into my pocket for my money and I pull out two twenties and a five dollar bill and hand them to Tara. “You ladies keep the change.”
“Thanks Dave. You go straight home now,” Tara says.
“Yes Mom, I’m going straight home. It was nice meeting you, Kristi,” I say as I get up from my barstool and take the moment pause to gain my balance to prepare myself for the walk home. That’s one thing about drinking too much and if you are sitting down for a long time you have to have the momentary pause when you stand up, just to regain your sense of inner balance.
“It was nice meeting you, Dave. Get home safe,” Kristi says to me as I smile back at her and start heading to the front door. I pause for a second before I leave to light up another cigarette, now I am ready for short walk home as I push open the glass door and head out onto the cold city streets.

PROLOGUE to STARLIGHT (rough draft)

PROLOGUE


Ever since I was five years old I wanted to be a singer. I should rephrase that by saying that I wanted to be an entertainer. I wanted to be the one who put joy on people’s faces as I put my heart and soul out there for everyone as I performed on a stage. The rush of energy being completely vulnerable in front of an audience and hearing their support is the only drug that I want to be addicted to. I started small, by singing and dancing at family gatherings just to entertain everyone. It was a great form of positive reinforcement, because no matter what I did my family would applaud me. I begged and begged for a chance to learn how to play music and that Christmas I had gotten a keyboard so I could learn to play music for real. My parents promised me that if I worked hard at it that one day they would get me professional lessons. I couldn’t be separated from that little keyboard and it was soon my mission in life to learn how to create every possible sound that could be made.

As I got better at playing the keyboard, I had started to make up words and sing along to the melody I was creating. Even when I was that young, I knew that creating my own songs was going to be the only way that I would even be taken seriously in the music world. These weren’t formal songs and I wasn’t a lyrical talent at first, but it was enough for me to discover what I was passionate about with no inkling in my mind of anything else that I could be. I just kept trying every second that I could play on that little keyboard to be better than I was before. Even then, I had this inherent knowledge that talent alone was not going to be good enough to make a dream become reality. Everyone who makes it into a profession that is talent based is talented, but the ones that want to be great will push themselves beyond their own talent and never rest on it.

I remember getting my first guitar for my 7th birthday and that was one of the greatest moments in my life. I loved the feel of the steel strings and how smoothly they would cut through my skin. I was so enamored by playing that I never even noticed the first time my fingertips bled. My mom, of course, freaked out at the sight of me playing the guitar with a bloody hand. It didn’t hurt. It made music something real to me. I was enthralled with the thought that I could literally pour my blood out to work on the craft of being a musician and it is the greatest sensation that I have ever felt from something physical.

Being creative is my one true love, which would explain why all of my relationships have a tendency to fade away. I was always more focused on creating a good song than creating something magical with some guy. I know that’s shitty for the guy, but I have my own dreams that I need to accomplish. I’m not saying that I don’t want to be loved, but I need a guy who understands that I can’t be the center of his world. I want to be the best at what I do and that means putting in a lot of time to make myself better than I could ever imagine being. I wanted to be considered a great songwriter and performer. I knew that I would have to get out of this small town, because that’s not where dreams come true. You go to a small town to die; you need the big lights to make things happen.

I knew that I was going to have to sacrifice a lot of normality growing up to do what I know is my very heart and soul. Singing, writing and creating music comes as effortlessly to me as breathing and I will give my all to make my way into the world. I am ready for the ridicule that I will face, because I know that I will be different than the other kids at school. In order to be great, you have to sacrifice normal. If I wanted normal, I’d be dating the quarterback of the football team and hoping that he can be something great and I can just live off his money. I’ve got my own dreams and I want to grow into a woman who doesn’t need to hang onto a man for financial support.

I wasn’t sure if the world was going to be accepting of someone so young being so driven to succeed in a business of adults, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. I knew that if I could get one door to open for me that I would do whatever I could do within the reach of my talent to keep that door open forever. I was firmly determined to only sell my music and not use my femininity to make my way easier. I wanted to be respected for my talent and drive and not be ridiculed by how many clothes I was willing to take off. That’s the hardest thing being a female in this visually constructed world that overwhelms our thoughts and beliefs, being respected for talent, drive, or intellect instead of how great you look. I knew that I would have to have some sort of visual image to market myself, but I was not going to let that be dominant part of my marketing or what was going to define me as an artist.

I fear what will happen if I am successful. The journey to capturing a dream is always more exciting than maintaining the dream. I worry about what the world will think of me. I see the cynical nature of the world at large and it frightens me. Everyone will be watching for the first mistake and that’s when they will try to crush your spirit. I hope that I am strong enough to not let them knock me down. If you are not strong enough, they will break you down to the point where you will doubt every choice that can be made. I refuse to live with doubt. If you tell me that my dream is impossible, then I will fight that much harder. Impossible is not a word in my vocabulary. I have to be a star and be a source of inspiration for all of those people that want to hear my voice.

How hard will it be just to break in the business? It’s not like they just give out a record deal, because I want one. I know that I am going to have to stand out and shine in a crowd of many like-minded people. I have already been knocking on so many doors giving out some recordings that I have made already that my parents were gracious enough to pay for. I realize that I am going to have to have a little luck along the way or catch lightning in a bottle, but the thing about catching lightning or luck is that I will put myself in the position for the possibility for that to happen. I do not want to be a star, although that is a side effect of the job that I want. The inner peace for me will be performing or recording new music because that is the part of the job that I will love. The creative side and the performing side of my career will always be the most important parts to me. Those aspects will be fun; being a celebrity will be work.

Will I be able to attract a fan base? That’s so important in the beginning. I’ll have to create a buzz to make the labels actually interested in me. If I can’t do that, then I’ll be nothing. I cannot be a nobody. I am meant to be remembered. If you aren’t living a life that is exciting and glamorous, then you aren’t living at all. I long for the adoration that comes with being a star. I want to have millions of people hanging on and dying to hear each new record that I make. There is nothing more worth living for than to be completely showered in the starlight. If you aren’t living a life that is exciting and glamorous, then you aren’t living at all.

First Round Mock Draft

Chapter 2 of Bachelor Pad

CHAPTER 2

Tonight’s lesson is an important one. The pad is important, but it is secondary to getting ready to go out. You can have the awesomest of awesome bachelor pads, but if you don’t present the proper image, you aren’t going to get any ladies home with you. You have to present an aura of confidence that will help make the ladies interested before you even speak a word to them.

The first step to this is to make sure you take a shower before you go out. I know this sounds elementary, but you would be surprised how many guys out there decide to risk going out without taking a shower first. For the record, taking a shower with body spray does not count and will only show what a fucking amateur you really are. Take the fifteen minutes that it will take to clean your ass, trust me it is worth it.

The next step is shaving. Some guys out there like to shave while they shower and if they can pull that off that’s great. I’m a little old-fashioned in that I like to do it using my bathroom sink with a real blade. Electric razors never get as close as the real blade and I love that using a real blade will actually help keep your face looking younger. I like to be able to see myself shaving, so I make sure that I don’t miss any little pieces of stubble. I know that I am not one of those guys that can pull of that 5 o’clock shadow stubble beard and I know that while a lot of women may find the look sexy, most don’t like to kiss a guy with that because it is very rough on the skin. Also, if you are stuck in the nineties and you are still sporting the old goatee, I would advise you to shave it. However, if you love your goatee as much as your favorite Pearl Jam CD, then take a few suggestions from me. First, don’t trim it to close. The closer the hair is to your skin the rougher it will feel. The second thing that you should do is when you take your shower wash your ‘tee with shampoo and conditioner. I know that this sounds way too metro for any guy still sporting the ‘tee, but it will make those dick hairs on your chin feel a lot softer and women like that. The beautiful ladies out there don’t want their lips and face to feel like it is being rubbed down with sandpaper.

 The second part of shaving is the thing that all of us guys dread, manscaping. I know it sucks and I hate it as well, but it has turned into a necessary evil. We expect the women we are with to be either cleanly shaved or nice and trimmed up when it comes to their pussy, so we should at least return the favor. Most women out there don’t really enjoy flossing with our dick hairs and if you want them to do that wonderful deed with their mouth you have to take the weed eater to your pubes. What you choose is a personal choice, but I choose to leave a trimmed landing strip over my cock. I am not totally a fan of the completely shaved look on myself or on the opposite sex for that matter. The completely shaved pubes gives me a creepy feel, almost like I’m a pedophile because of the drastic resemblance to a child who hasn’t hit puberty yet. Again, that is just my feeling and everyone has the right to do what they choose with their body. Also, make sure you take the trimmer to your balls and ass. Those hairs you want to get rid of, but for fuck’s sake do not use a blade. You do not want to cut your ball sack. Make sure when you trim your pubes that you dispose of them and don’t leave your pubes lying on the bathroom floor.

 Now it is time to get dressed. I’m not giving out any tips on your underwear that is a personal choice, but just make sure they aren’t skid marked and stained. I know we all like to have a sense of individuality when it comes to the way we dress, but that does not work in the club scene. You don’t want to wear something that is too flashy and outrageous, because that could make the females out there have the wrong impression of you, meaning that you are gay. Not saying that as a hateful thing, but if you are not gay, then don’t do anything that would make the women out there have a misconception of your sexuality. A woman looking to just have a meaningless fling isn’t looking to fall for your amazing personality or your edgy styling. Look at it as a casting call and she’s looking for someone to fill the role and you want to make sure you are the able to fill that role. I say go with the tried and true and wear either a polo or a full button down shirt that goes well with your jeans or khakis. Another thing, if you are going to wear a belt, then remember to have your shirt tucked in. You want to come across looking respectable and classy in your presentation of yourself. Seriously, it is not bullshit to say that in this game it is better to look good than to feel good.

 The next thing for all of you guys out there is cologne. If you are going to wear cologne, then make sure it is the good stuff. If the box has a guy with a cowboy hat on it and the actual hat is more expensive than the cologne, then it is shitty stuff and you shouldn’t be using it. Spend the few extra bucks and get a designer brand. It works and it will last longer because you don’t have to use a lot of it to get maximum impact. Just a quick spray on each side of the neck is all you need. She should only be able to smell it when she is close to you; she shouldn’t be able to smell you from across the bar. Also, for the love of God do not spray your package! If you do get lucky and get some action and she’s willing to make a southbound journey that ticket will get cancelled if she gets a mouthful of your cologne. It smells good, but it does not taste good. Do yourself a favor and don’t do something so stupid.

The last lesson for getting dressed is the socks and shoes. If you are wearing jeans, then you can either wear white socks with sneakers or shoes. If you are going to wear sneakers make sure they are clean, a scuff or two in the leather is unnoticeable, but do not expect to get any ass if you still last week’s mud still caked on your kicks. Girls look at shoes. They fucking love shoes! So, don’t be stupid and naïve to think that they aren’t noticing your shoes. The perfect time for her to be checking out your shoes is when you are too busy staring at her tits trying to think of something clever to say. Dirty shoes may put the idea in a woman’s head that you are lazy and she may equate that as being lazy in bed. That’s an automatic strike three and you are out no matter how clever you can be in conversation. Lastly, if you are going to wear khakis, then please wear either brown or black shoes and the same color socks to match the shoes.

Now, that I have finished getting ready it’s time to head over my boys’ place and get ready for a wild and crazy night.How do I know that it is going to be a wild and crazy night? It is always a wild and crazy night when I hang out with my boy Jeremy Nicks. When I first met Jeremy a few years ago, he was a complete and total amateur, but he entertained me. I met him through my friend from work, Chris Henderson. Jeremy and Chris are roommates and they could not be two more different people. Chris is very laid back and focused on his career right now, whereas Jeremy is a total wild man. Jeremy has the same goal as I do when we go out and after some subtle changes to his game he has become someone that will keep me on my toes as we both try to leave with the hottest woman. He used to just go out in t-shirts and ripped jeans and really didn’t have the ability to pick up women at the time. He would get a little too drunk and obnoxious and would eventually scare off the women, but he is absolutely fearless and that is why I knew I could work with him.

 Chris is just too shy when it comes to women and I don’t think he really believes in the whole idea of a one-night stand. That always strikes me as odd, because he is monster in the business of sales, he just can’t equate his skills at the office to the meat market. He’s sort of old-fashioned that way, but Jeremy and I bring him out in hopes that we can at least get him to talk to women, so he could at least get a date. He’s looking for that whole relationship thing and it makes sense for him as he is starting to move up in the office. His future plans would look better if he was married and it is probably something that I should consider especially after the conversation I had with my boss a few days ago.

My boss, Mr. Cooper, called me in because I had inquired about a potential opening as an assistant Vice President in the advertising department. It would be the logical step in the ladder as I would be groomed for holding the position of Vice President at a later time. The previous holder of that job had left the company to be with his sick wife who had developed cancer. I’m the guy with the most ad dollars brought into the company and I totally expected that this was a no-brainer that I would get the job, but life has a funny way of fucking with you when you start to expect things.

 I remember looking at old man Cooper, thinking to myself that I would only have to work under him for five years at the most, before he would leave or keel over from a heart attack. There might have been a time when Cooper was in good shape and he may have been popular with the ladies, but after his wife left him he fell apart and turned into a fat bastard. He sucks down heart medication like they were double quarter pound cheeseburgers and this was the perfect situation for me to step in and potentially become the youngest Vice President in the company’s history. Cooper had different plans for me. I sat there and listened to him give me every reason why I should have the job and then he finally hit me with the hammer. “Shawn, the reason that we are not going to promote you has nothing to do with your job performance. The company is afraid that because you are still a single man with a reputation for burning the midnight oil that you are a high risk at the executive level. I’ll shoot straight with you. The fact that you have no ties worries the company that you could just up and leave and potentially take a lot of clients with you.”

“Sir, while I respect your honesty, I can’t help but strongly disagree with the thought process of the company. I’m not going anywhere. I’m in the greatest city in the world for what I do and I’d like to think that I am the best in the company. I am disappointed, but at least tell me that there is a chance for this at another time,” I say to Cooper.

 “Shawn, get married and get a house out on the Island that will show the guys on top that they will have the security in moving you up the ladder and that you wouldn’t be such a risk to the company.”

“If that’s what it takes, then that’s something that I can do,” I say as I get up and shake Cooper’s hand before I leave his office.

This is such bullshit I remember thinking and I shook my head to Chris giving him the non-verbal cue that I didn’t get the job. I begrudgingly understand their point of view, but I never really gave me too much thought to how my personal life could affect my professional life, but I should’ve known better, because image is everything.

The business world feels more secure in promoting people who are married as it gives the perception of stability. If you are married and have a family, then they feel that you have to come to work to provide for the family and that makes the doors to promotion open up. Someone who is single can be looked at as a person who could pack-up and leave in a heartbeat. I know Chris wants that lifestyle, but he has to overcome his shyness. I want the life that playing by the rules can give me, but I don’t know if I want the whole baggage of a marriage.

I have never even tried the concept of a relationship in my life so how do I put myself in the position to where I could actually get married to someone. I’ve seen all of my friends in life get involved with people and I’ve seen them hurt a lot of the time and it just seemed like the odds are against having a successful monogamous relationship with someone. I do have friends who have played into the married game, but they always seem stressed out and lost a big chunk of the person they were before the marriage. It is amazing how much shit we are forced to do to get ahead in the world, but I don’t want to be stuck in the same spot for my entire career. I like being an ad man for SportsWorld Magazine, especially with the new advancements in technology allowing us to enter the digital world with more gusto, but I would like to become an executive and I am not sure if my current lifestyle is what the company has in mind. However, this is not a choice that I have to make and I want to have fun with my boys and see what the night has in store for me.

 Jeremy and Chris live together which is not the ideal situation for having a bachelor pad, but they make it work mainly because Chris doesn’t practice the lifestyle. It would be pretty badass on their part if they both hooked up with some women and they both brought them back to their place. A lot of women aren’t comfortable with the idea of doing the one-night deed knowing that there is another woman in the same place doing the same thing. College was a different story. Everyone knew who was fucking who in the group and it was looked at as being young and getting the crazy shit out, because the future was on the horizon. I just kept living the lifestyle, because it made sense to me.

Anyway, here I am at Jeremy and Chris’s old school cobblestone apartment house. There are multiple apartments inside the house and the only way to get in without a key to the building is signaling them using the old intercom system. I let them know I am here and they can unlock the front door from their apartment. I imagine it is time to push the button so we can get the festivities underway. There is an annoying sound as the intercom is activated.

“Who is it?” Jeremy’s voice comes through the speaker.

“It’s the number one pimpdaddy. Let me the fuck in!” I yell back into the speaker box.

“Oh shit, it’s party time! Get your ass in here!” Jeremy yells out through the speaker and then I can hear a clicking sound in the door as the lock mechanism gets disengaged and I open the door and step inside. Thank God they only live on the second floor of this walk-up. I’d really hate to climb up a ton of steps to get to their place. I reach their door and knock on it.

“It’s open fucker!” Jeremy yells from inside their place and I oblige his polite greeting and step inside their apartment. They live in an older apartment building, therefore, their pad is a little old, but they do the best with it. It always strikes me as odd when I step inside their place because the kitchen area is the first room that you walk in. Really, their kitchen and living room area is just one big room with the only distinct separation is the kitchen area is not carpeted, whereas the large living area is. They do an amazing job keeping their place clean, which makes the place look good even though it is an older place. There’s a lot to say for making the best with what one has to work with. They are both sitting in the living room area; Jeremy is on their couch and Chris is sitting in a recliner that is off to the side of the couch with the seats of the couch and the recliner is perpendicular to one another. The boys are already drinking some beers. That is an important thing to do before going out. It is expensive to drink in the clubs, so you have to start out with a few beverages before going out. It is important to keep some semblance of sobriety though. One does not want to look like the town drunk when trying to pick up the females that may have worked back in college, but now in the real world, the lovely ladies are not going to be interested in you if you are stumbling and drooling all over yourself.

“Why don’t you grab us all a beer, since you are right there by the refrigerator?” Jeremy asks me and I nod my head as I open the fridge and grab 3 bottles of lager from the great Brooklyn Brewery.

“What’s up fuckers?” I ask as I walk over to them with the beer.

“Not too much, just getting a little pre-game on before we go out,” Chris says in his usual dead-pan manner. Chris is the odd one in this group because he is rather conservative. He’s dressed like he’s ready to go to the office in his baby blue button down shirt with a darker shade of khakis. He is wearing a tie as well, but at least he has brown shoes and a brown belt to go with his khakis. There’s nothing wrong with being over-dressed and maybe Chris is on to something by looking like he is a success. That’s probably a wise move for him, since his personality is rather plain and he’s not the type to work out, yet he is super-thin. In a way, he may be too thin, but that’s who he is. He’s the shy guy who watches the world go by and I have to wonder if deep inside he’s just waiting to bust loose of the shell he’s trapped in.

“I’m getting ready to have some chick sitting on my face tonight! I feel the intense desire to fuck!” Jeremy exclaims in his own unfiltered way. To say that Jeremy is a little rough around the edges would be so much of an understatement that it gives new meaning to the word understatement. He really has no filter when he is with the guys, but he can amazingly turn that off when he’s in the presence of women. Jeremy, unlike Chris and I, didn’t have the luxury of going to college, but he went right into the work force immediately and got a job with a construction company and has been hard-working his whole adult life. If his early life was a hand of poker, he started off with seven-deuce off-suit, but seeing that it was the only hand he could play he went all-in and hit his full house. He won’t have the opportunity for that royal flush, but it’s hard to beat a full house in poker. He would be living on his own, but he had a massive break-up with his one-time fiancée and Chris had an extra bedroom and helped out his old buddy from high school. Which was a good move for Chris; because he could put that extra money he was paying for rent away for the day when he gets himself a house.

 Going back to Jeremy, he’s a blue-collar guy and he is strongly built from his long days of physical labor. He does clean up very well as he is easily pulling off the classy polo shirt and jeans look. I am actually quite jealous of his immaculately white Reebok’s that he is wearing. I can never keep white sneakers looking good.

“What have I told you about eating a girl out on a one nighter; it is not a good idea, that’s something you save for the day you break down and start dating someone again,” I say to Jeremy.

“Hey, I like my girls like I like my steaks, dark on the outside with a warm, moist pink center. Don’t tell me that you have never gone down on a girl?” Jeremy asks me.

 “I can truthfully say that I never have,” I respond as I take a drink of my lager.

 “So, you don’t get a fucking blow-job when you take a chick home?” Jeremy asks me and I see the point he is trying to make.

 “I’ve told you this before, but I guess I have to repeat myself; when you bring a female home for a one and done you do not eat her pussy. I don’t give a shit how hot the chick is that is an act you save for someone you actually give a shit about. I don’t expect a blow-job on a one and done, so she shouldn’t expect me to eat her out. Now, I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate the lovely ladies who do go down on me, but it is not something that I ask for and they should know better than to waste that act on me. Any self-respecting woman looking for a good night of fucking knows better than to put my dick in their mouth or want me to suck on their clit,” I say to both Jeremy and Chris.

“I know, but sometimes in the moment I get carried away and do it,” Jeremy says.

“You need to stop. The one nighter is nothing more than a business transaction. You and the female both have a need and the means to provide the other satisfaction of the need, therefore, you are just someone supplying a service and the service is fucking. You do not need to supply the extra frills. That is for love making, not mindless, careless fucking,” I respond to Jeremy.

 “That is one way at looking at getting some pussy,” Jeremy says.

“It’s the best way to look at it. Remember, the females out there who are willing to go home and do that act with you know the rules of the game and I can guarantee that it is not the first time that those females have played that game,” I respond.

“I’ll try to remember that tonight when I’m banging away at some new, fresh pussy,” Jeremy says.

“It is rather disturbing that all you think about is pussy,” Chris says to Jeremy and I get a little chuckle out of that.

“Pussy is the only thing worth thinking about, roomie. You should try it some night,” Jeremy says to him and then takes a chug out of his bottle of beer.

“Yeah, maybe if you got laid some night you wouldn’t be dogging us for all the cupcakes we get,” I say to Chris.

 “Fuck you guys! I’ll get my cupcake when I want it,” Chris says to us.

“Can you get it soon?” Jeremy asks him rhetorically.

 “Like maybe tonight; I’ll help you out. Be my wing tonight and I will guarantee that you get some ass,” I say to Chris.

“That’s fine for you guys, but I don’t want some ass. I want the right ass. I’ve had enough of women that are here for the short-term. I’m in the market to find someone that will stick around a little more long-term,” Chris says.

 “That’s noble, naïve, but noble. Let me let you in on a little secret, some ass is the right ass, ok. There isn’t a magic pussy out there, that’s going to have fireworks and music playing out of it,” I say to Chris.

“Really, because I thought that happened for you every night,” Chris responds to me rather sarcastically.

“I can’t say that I’ve ever had that happen, but if I did I think I would either run far away or marry her right there on the spot,” I say with a big smile on my face.

“Also, you should know that there are some pussies out there that will squirt right back at you,” Jeremy says as he got up from his seat and puts Chris in a playful little headlock.

“What!” Chris exclaims as he playfully pushes Jeremy off of him.

“Really dude, you had to go there. He ain’t ready for all that shit yet. We’re still trying to get his dick wet. Don’t scare him away before we even get him on the playing field,” I respond to Jeremy. I always marvel at the things that can come out of Jeremy’s mouth, but his no bullshit ways are refreshing to say the least.

“It’s a nice playing field to be on though, it’s like scoring the game winning touchdown and being tackled by hundreds of naked cheerleaders,” Jeremy says.

“That’s an image, but I like to think of it as synchronized swimming,” I say with a laugh.

“Oh no, you had to go there you sick bastard,” Jeremy says as laughs hysterically.

“You both are sick bastards! I really can’t believe that women out there flock to you guys. If they heard you talk like this, you would never get anything!”

“That’s why there is guy talk and girl talk, my friend. There are just some things that should only be talked about in the company of men and should never be uttered in the company of women. That is the most important lesson you can learn from us, Chris, and that is the concept of girlspeak,” I say to him.

 “Girlspeak?” Chris asks me.

 “Yes, girlspeak; it’s a whole different language like maletalk,” I say as Jeremy gets up and heads into the kitchen.

 “Maletalk, are you just making shit up and talking out of your ass?” Chris asks me.

“I’m not making shit up and I’m not talking out of my ass either, my friend. It’s just an unspoken truth between men and women, we speak different languages when we are involved in inter-gender communication,” I say to him as Jeremy comes back into the living area with three more beers.

“I figured we’d need another round of beers to get through this lesson,” Jeremy says as he hands us each a bottle of lager. “Forget all that shit that you learned in college, this is going to be the greatest lesson that you could ever learn. For fuck’s sake, you are getting it for free. Shit, Shawn you could write books about this kind of stuff and make millions of dollars!”

 “Thank you for that vote of confidence, Jeremy. I may have to consider that in the future. Now, Chris, this is the deal; women have their own language. It sounds a lot like English and it is deeply rooted in the English language, but they just use words in a different way. Women want to talk and they don’t want to hear us ramble on about something that they could care less about, like the football game from last night. The key to being good at the game is asking questions. When you are talking with a woman and the chemistry is clicking make absolutely sure that you keep your words to a minimum and end your part of the conversation with a question. Before you know it, you will have them going on and on about their favorite movies, clothes, hell you may even find out about their childhood pet,” I say to Chris as I notice Jeremy nodding his head in approval of what I am saying.

“That sounds like a lot of work,” Chris responds.

“Not really, this is why you have two sides of your brain to control different functions within the body. You just have to listen for the important topics that flow out of their mouths, so you understand what they are talking about and then let the other half of your brain start imaging what they are going to look like naked. Or you can do like Jeremy and I do and play our little game,” I respond.

“What is your little game?” Chris asks with a hint of apprehension in his voice.

“Jeremy, would you like to have the honor of describing our little game with Chris?” I ask Jeremy and he smiles at the thought of this.

“No problemo. Chris, Shawn and I occasionally play a little game when we are talking with the females at the bar. The game is simply to try and imagine what the female we are talking to does for her personal styling.”

 “Styling?” Chris asks. “Jesus Christ, the one time in my life I try and tactful and Chris doesn’t get what I am saying. By styling, I mean what type of hair styling they have for their pussy. You have the completely shaved bush which is awesome, but then you have the variations. The most common one for females that keep some kind of pussy hair is the landing strip which is a nice little pointer to the destination that you want to go to. Some females out there still have the 70’s afro bush, where you can tell that they haven’t trimmed that shit in a very long time and it can be somewhat distracting when you see it because it is rare that it still happens. Going down on a woman with the afro bush takes a special man or a handy Swiss army knife that has a flashlight to help you search for the pussy or even those old helmets that the coal miners wore with the light on top. Even worse than the afro bush, however, is what I have referred to as the wet suit look and that simply put is a woman whose pubic hair stretches out and goes in a direct line with a bikini bottom. It is definitely not for the weak of heart, especially since you can usually see the pubes sticking out of their panty line, sort of like that old Black Crowes CD cover. When you see that, you just want to get inside of that wet pussy as fast as possible and get the job done and get on home,” Jeremy says to Chris whose mouth has literally dropped open.

“You guys are sicker than I even imagined!” Chris says in a tone of nauseated disgust and gets up from the recliner. I decide that I have to step in and mediate and bring Chris back from his shock, but I have to wonder why he is so shocked. That wasn’t the worst thing to even come out of Jeremy’s mouth, but I get up and walk over to him and put my hand on his shoulder since he had turned his back to us as he walked away from his seat.

“I know this is a lot to take in, but what Jeremy just did is a perfect example of maletalk. These are things that we can talk about in comfort when it is just us guys hanging out. We would never talk like this when there are women around. If you think women aren’t doing the same thing when they are in the company of their girls, then you are quite wrong. Women will talk to their female friends about the guy that they boned the night before. They don’t shy away from any topic. They will talk about our dick sizes, our pubic hair styling, stamina and physical flaws that we have, unless you do one thing and that is satisfy them like no one ever has. If you do that, then none of that other shit matters because if you give them orgasms that they will never forget, then you can bet every last hair on your ass that that is what they will be telling their girls. You want that reputation as an amazing lover, because the women will do all the work for you. Seriously, you could have a two-inch dick, look like a sheep when you are naked, be fat and sloppy or all of the above and it won’t matter because they will look past all of that shit if they know that you will be able to fuck them like they have never been fucked before. Can I get an amen!” I exclaim at the end of my gospel.

 “Amen, my brother, amen! I’ll even throw in a hallelujah!” Jeremy exclaims as he gets up from the couch and gives me a one-man standing ovation.

“Thank you, my brother,” I respond to Jeremy and then turn my attention back to Chris. “That is the key though; find ways to get the ladies to talk. The less that you have to say as you are trying to pick up a woman is the best way to go about things. Let them do the work for you, then when you do bed them do not be a fucking douchebag and just be in it for yourself. Make sure that you give them the best night of their life. Any decent woman out there isn’t going to cling to you afterwards; they know the rules to the game. They know that if they go to bed with you on the first night that there isn’t going to be anything more and any woman who does go home with a guy upon first meeting them was only looking for a fuck anyway. However, if you give them that amazing night they will always remember you and you may even become the standard that they judge their lovers by down the road and that is a very cool thing my friend,” I say as take a rather large drink from my beer bottle. “I know this is a huge burden and not every guy out there can handle it, but I have faith in you Chris. You have that nice guy thing going for you which is a bigger benefit in your favor than you think. We just got to work on your ability to make them laugh and get them engaged in conversation with you and you will be out there rocking and rolling with the ladies. You are a very good-natured person and I know that you would go out of your way to satisfy the ladies out there and that’s the most important part to all of this. It isn’t about us, we do this for all the women out there who are just looking for that one magical night so they can believe in their heart’s that there are good men out there,” I conclude my speech to Chris and he can’t help but smile at me.

 “That may be the biggest bunch of bullshit that I have ever heard. Damn, now I know why you are so good with the ladies, you know what to say at the right moment,” Chris says to me and drinks some of his beer.

 “That’s his gift, he can out bullshit anyone,” Jeremy says.

“Not everyone, but I learned how to bullshit with the best of them from one of my old college buddies,” I say. “Of course, you can try and take your pimp status to the next level by taking a woman out to a place she would never expect.”

“Yeah, I own your ass on that one since I did score once after taking a chick to a strip club,” Jeremy yells out with his face beaming with pride.

“What!” Chris yells out as he spits out some beer out of his mouth in the process.

“That’s right daddy-o, the J-man took a girl to a strip club and then brought her sweet ass home. That’s game, my friend, she was so impressed by my ability to stay focused on her even with all the naked chicks around me. Score one for Jeremy on that motherfuckers!” Jeremy says with the innocence of a baby standing on its own for the first time.

“He has come so far under my tutelage, now I have to do the same for you, Chrissy boy,” I say as I am still laughing at Jeremy.

“You know I hate it when you call me, Chrissy. I have one last thing to ask the two of you; doesn’t it get a little tiring going out trying to look for a strange woman all the time?” Chris asks Jeremy and me. Jeremy immediately starts laughing at this comment, but I look out the window not wanting to say anything, because I keep thinking about having to shut down my game at some point here, so I can put the best image for my job and life.

 “Fuck no! The challenge is what makes it worthwhile. Like Shawn said, this is a mission that only a few men can take. We aren’t doing this for notches in our belts; we are doing this to save women from all the asshole guys out there who just want to bang a chick and not care about the women in the scenario. Just stick with Shawn, he’s the fucking A number 1 Jedi master at this. He won’t fail you.”

“Alright, enough already I’ll give it a fucking shot,” Chris says.

 “Awesome, now we can get out of here and get a fine piece of ass on top of Chris tonight,” I say as I put my arm around his shoulders and the three of us clink our beer bottles together and finish up our remaining beer and then make our way for a night on the town.